Esther Perel - Cultivating Erotic Intelligence
How couples can sustain desire in intimate relationships
Think of a time when you felt deep intense security, and now think of a time when you felt at your most adventurous. Thriving on the combination of connection and autonomy, we all straddle two sets of opposite, yet fundamental human needs: our need for safety and security and our need for adventure and novelty. What can we do to stay engage and curious with each other and ourselves?
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10 Comments
I love this Esther. Thank you. x
Esther, I know you're going to be answering questions live at 1pm for us today but here is a question from Facebook:
"My relationship with my husband has gone very cold. How do I relight the fire? "
Esther, I know you're going to be answering questions live at 1pm for us today but here is a question from Facebook:
How can I save my long term relationship if my partner does not seem that interested?
Esther, I know you're going to be answering questions live at 1pm for us today but here is a question from Facebook:
How do you sustain intimacy in your relationship during the menapause and your sex drive is failing you?
Ok, some more questions coming in from readers on Facebook, Esther.
James Lane What advice would you give to someone who has convinced themselves it's impossible to get over the past?
Do you think it's possible to get intimacy back from an abusive relationship if you have seperated and are trying again and the abuse has stopped?
Hello everyone, I am answering you one by one, but read all as all the questions relate to one another and you'll get more of me by reading my answers to your fellow community members.
Before you can relight the fire, you need kindle, matches, little flames and then a roaring fire. So what is the kindle you can bring. can you invite your husband into conversations, into fun, play, idle time. My strong suggestion is not to try and be sexual by talking about the lack of sex. It is a total turn off. Think sensual, kind, appreciative, and start with acts of kindness and care, physical ones as well. all the stuff you know your partner would like. Then go to my questionnaire and you'll have a great conversation starter that brings back erotic intimacy. All this before trying the "Have sex"
Hello James Lane,
Which past? that makes a difference. Are we talking about you? your story you are attached to? or a partner's story, and are you the subject of that negative experience?
The fact is that the most important reason we hold on to these stories is because they have not yet been fully acknowledged by the person who hurt us . we need full recognition for our stories before we can let them go. And sometimes we are the ones who need to give that recognition to ourselves. We all are attached to our stories. They give us meaning and grounding. ask: what is the part of the story that is most important for you, and what is it doing for you today. make the past present.
hello Laura,
Yes it is possible if there has been ample recognition for the pain caused, if there has been amends made, and acts of repair. Simple apologizing is not enough. Trust will rebuild albeit while keeping your eyes open for a long time.
hello Laura,
Yes it is possible if there has been ample recognition for the pain caused, if there has been amends made, and acts of repair. Simple apologizing is not enough. Trust will rebuild albeit while keeping your eyes open for a long time.