Week 39 Right A Wrong
This week’s experiment was to right a wrong from the past.
Can I just say Chris in a very Welsh accent. Uch a fi Chris about this one !! On this Wake up journey like some of the other bloggers I am only moving forward baby, like Edith Piaf but not quite as tuneful I’m singing ‘ Non, je ne regrette’ at the top of my voice.
I think I am pretty good at saying sorry if I think I was in the wrong, however over the years I have learnt that people are strange and you can upset some people without trying or unbeknown to you if you don’t fit in with what they want or need. I’ve learnt some friends are fair weathered. You learn this abruptly when you get divorced. I’ve also learned the meaning of true friendship those who share your good times but are also there to pick you up and cuddle you, make tea and listen when the chips are really down.
I know I have wronged some people in my life but not intentionally. I may have been meaning well but clumsy in my approach. I have been shocked by their vindictive and nasty behaviour. I’ve had sleepless nights, hundreds of imaginary conversations with them with hand movements and everything, I’ve felt sick, been unable to eat, chastised myself like I would no one else and heaped on the guilt until I was in a horrible dark place. So no I am not going back there. I’ve dealt with it, I am on speaking in terms with them all although it will never be the same the trust has gone and I have recognised that my life is bearable may I even say better without these toxic people. There is too much water under the bridge and I too have been hurt by their behaviour so no longer am I taking sole responsibility for these situations.
I've learnt that music can help when you are in these bad places. My old friend who is a bit of a local legend and who is known around here as 'Gary Punk' (for wearing trousers made out of carrot sacks and being in a band supporting the Clash sometime in the 70's ) treated me to a Dandy Warhols gig in Manchester when I was in such a bad place I think it actually saved my life. He's always offering up new music for me to devour. His latest offering is Seth Lakeman and it will forever remind me of my Wake-up summer and if you haven't already heard him I'd urge you to give him a go!
The only regrets I have is not going to see Queen in Wembley in 1987 when I thought they weren't cool (wtf!!!) and that when I was younger I plucked my eyebrows until they disappeared, shaved the sides of my lovely long hair and wore massive cardigans to hide my huge size 10 bum, so sorry to me for being an idiot teenager and not realising what an amazing thing it is to be young. I regret not being adventurous when I was young, being so responsible all the time and I sometimes think I should have taken that offer to go live in France. No more taking responsibility wholly for letting relationships break down, no more of that guilty black goo which clogs you up until you can't function here's to waking up, walking forward, no regrets, and I am working towards my happy with those people who are important to me and are my world.