Thanking someone directly for indirect love
Day two of telling someone what you love about them
Who would be the second person on my early quest to share the love? I thought of a few different people but then I somehow thought about how much happiness my wife Sarah gets from her best friend Alex and decided after sharing the love with my wife I wanted to pass that on to Alex. After all if something makes your partner’s life happy then it will only rub off in your own life and make you happy too. This wasn’t something I had really thought about in the past but now I was concentrating on the experiment Chris had put forward about sharing the love and I felt very conscious and deep about what I was saying and who I was saying it to and the possible ramifications behind it. It was exciting.
So who was Alex and what made me want to tell her the things I loved about her? Alex is not only Sarah’s best friend but also our dog walker. She and her husband Mark run a very good B&B, possible one of the best you could imagine and she somehow has the energy to walk dogs too. For around four years or so she has walked our dog. We have a dog walker because apart from our two days off a week we don’t really get the time to take our black Labrador Bobby out for long walks. He might be six and a half years of age but like most Labs he still has the energy of ten dogs put together and needs extra walks to run off his never ending energy. Of course he gets walks with us but with Alex he gets the walks he probably needs.
After Sarah made the decision to get a dog walker and chose Alex, over the years their friendship has blossomed beautifully and naturally. When Sarah’s available she will accompany Alex on the walks and their friendship has grown so much that they will arrange nights out or adventures together. Recently they went to London to shop and sightsee. On another occasion they went to Oxford to watch a musical and they both signed up for a personal trainer at the local spa and gym. They help push each other to new experiences and fitness.
I was fortunate to be there on probably their greatest day out together when we all climbed Ben Nevis earlier this year. On a personal level it was one of the greatest days and achievements of my life. It was in fact a ‘magical’ moment and one I will never and could never forget. It really was truly magical.
Alex was the natural choice for me. I asked her if she had five minutes to spare with me the following day as she was just about to take Bobby out for a walk. She didn’t really ask why and happily gave me five minutes of her busy time. I thought that was very nice of her to do so. Sometime later via e-mail we arranged a time which coincided with her taking Bobby out again. As you can see she loves to walk Bobby.
I had learned from the build up to telling Sarah what I loved about her to have a think about what I loved about Alex and then just let my thoughts and feelings flow out of me. I would tell her that I loved the fact that she makes my wife’s life happier and more fun. I would tell her I loved the fact that she was a great friend to Sarah. She was almost like a big sister to her. And I loved her never ending and boundless energy - she had more energy than Bobby. I would be honest with her and tell her that she enriches both our lives and I love the way she is ‘a one off’ and that she can say and be who she wants in our life and we the same. I’ve never really met anyone like her and yet she is like the twinkles of the goodness I have seen in others.
I also thought that telling Alex what I loved about her might make her go home and think about what I’d said and maybe she would hopefully pass on this idea to her husband Mark who is a really nice man. The idea was to maybe start a chain reaction. It might be a small chain, it could happen, it might not but at least other people would be thinking or talking about it.
When Alex arrived to pick Bobby up I asked her to follow me into the living room and let my feelings flow. When I finished I gave her a big hug. Afterwards she said she felt emotional because although she knew I ‘loved’ her it was really nice for somebody to say it to her face. She said she felt quite emotional and thought she might cry with joy.In truth I felt the same but we both felt that we had an enjoyable moment together.
I learned today that sharing the love and praising someone who makes a loved one happy and therefore you indirectly happy should be praised and embraced as much as someone who directly makes you happy. It felt like I was sharing the love with that person twofold. I was acknowledging the positive part they play in Sarah’s life, thanking them for it and thanking them for making my life happier too.