Knowing Your Limits And Boundaries
Our boundaries are the limits we set by choice rather than from old habits and sub-conscious conditioning. Your boundaries affect your self-concept, self-respect, feelings, energy levels, and your happiness – and they also ensure that you get your needs met, and aren't being taken advantage of.
Our boundaries and limits are similar and yet different.
As individuals we can be 'limited' in our self-concept, abilities and behaviour. These personal limits can be changed with self-awareness, education, intention and repetition.
Our boundaries are the limits we set by choice rather than from old habits and sub-conscious conditioning.
We can set new boundaries with ourselves – e.g. our time management, eating habits, lifestyle - as well as creating boundaries with others to clarify how we want and expect to be treated by them.
The important part is the 'choice' - and the reason behind it.
Our boundaries can be different with different people.
They can also be reviewed and changed, if we decide that we want to be either more flexible or more rigid – depending upon the other person's behaviour and the particular circumstances
Why do we need boundaries, and with whom?
As we come to know ourselves better, we need to assert what's OK with us and what isn't – what we'll do and tolerate, and what we won't.
For instance, how much time you're willing or able to spend with someone.
How much money you're willing to spend.
What you're willing to do sexually with a partner.
What effort you're willing to put into a job.
What expectations or demands from others that you're willing to meet.
Your boundaries affect your self-concept, self-respect, feelings, energy levels, and your happiness – and they also ensure that you get your needs met, and aren't being taken advantage of.
How do we create and maintain our boundaries?
Be clear with yourself about the boundaries you want to have in place.
Keep your boundaries in mind – do they need re-enforcing with someone who keeps pushing against them, or softening with someone who has learnt to have more respect for you?
Express yourself clearly and assertively – and leave no doubt about your intended message. You can read more about how to be assertive HERE
You may have mixed feelings about creating and enforcing your boundaries.
Perhaps guilt at not being the push-over and people-pleaser any more - particularly if others are 'guilt-tripping' you into reverting back to meeting their needs without question.
Maybe you'll feel some discomfort at asserting yourself, your rights and your choices.
If you don't know and set your boundaries no-one else will do it for you!
It's equally important to become aware of and to respect other people's boundaries too, and their right to have them – even if you don't agree with them, or they irritate and restrict you!
Maxine Harley (MSc Psychotherapy) MIND HEALER & MENTOR
www.maxineharley.com – If your past is still affecting you and your ability to assert your boundaries than please help yourself to the FREE RESOURCES on my website. There is also a self-help online course called '3 Steps To Sort Yourself Out - without therapy!', and other ways to work with me to help you to make peace with the past and heal your inner child
www.maxineharleymentoring.com – Therapeutic self-development mentoring for women who want to understand and manage their emotions, boundaries and behaviours
www.the-ripple-effect.co.uk – 10 online self-help workshops to help you with different troubling aspects of your life... including one called How To Be More Confident, which also helps with self-esteem and assertiveness
www.qpp.uk.com – the 'new paradigm in therapy' which works to update the sub-conscious belief system or S.C.R.I.P.T (c) – the Sub-Conscious-Rules-Influencing-Present-Time