What you love, you are

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'This is a subtle truth; what you love you are' - Rumi 

  We usually think of love as an emotion, a feeling, something that does, or does not, arise spontaneously.  We say 'I love you' as an expression of what is felt in the moment. However, grammatically speaking, love is a verb. 

As well as being an emotion, love is something that we do.  When you ask yourself 'do I love him/her?' you are not only inquiring about what you feel, you can search yourself to discover whether you show love to the person you are contemplating.  Literally, do you love them on a daily basis?  Do you demonstrate what it is that you feel?

It is every day acts of love that say to someone that they matter. When you act in loving ways you are saying to someone 'You are significant, you mean enough to me that I will put myself out to show you, to make your life easier, to be there for you.' 

 In relationship, it is important to remember that while saying 'I love you' is nice, it is not sufficient. Actions speak far louder than words, and it is the actions that hurt that bring couples into relationship counselling. The quote from Rumi I started with I think is a reminder that we show what we value and love by the way we are. We embody our experience and it is writ large for others to see through the things that we do and do not do. 

 Next time you hear yourself declaring love, why not reflect on how you want to bring this love into being, how you want to inhabit it? You just may change your loved one's experience of you.

For support with your relationship, individually or as a couple, get in touch.

Go to the profile of Fe Robinson, Psychotherapist

Fe Robinson, Psychotherapist

I am here to help you thrive, whatever life brings. I offer Psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and Couples Counselling to clients based in Durham. I am UKCP Accredited and an EMDR Europe Practitioner, and offer Clinical Supervision to counsellors and psychotherapists locally. I have worked in private practice, the NHS, and in charitable organisations, with a wide range of clients and conditions.

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