It's okay to ask for help. You don't have to go it alone.

Being your true vulnerable self and seeking support is another step in your journey to being more resilient.

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Most of us are good at giving advice and support to others but we often find it difficult to expose our own vulnerability and to ask for help ourselves, even though it may be holding us back. Our culture has made us feel that going it alone is something we should be able to do and as a consequence we can be fearful of appearing vulnerable or weak by asking for help. 

Looking at what is holding you back and finding the courage to share your fears or problems can be difficult and overwhelming at times. Maybe you are afraid of exposing your vulnerability because it makes you feel you are putting yourself out there to be judged or to be seen as a lesser person. Trying to be perfect and appearing to be managing everything to the outside world can be stressful and exhausting. By not being open and honest about how you really feel can mean that you are giving the wrong impressions to other people. Non of this is really helping as you are appearing brave and confident on the outside whilst you are scared on the inside. This isn't being resilient. In fact it's the complete opposite. Building resilience will come from being open, honest and accepting of your limitations, flaws and weaknesses. If you accept the challenges and changes that you experience in your life, both good and bad, and use the learning from those experiences and find the help you need, you can bounce back, recover and go again even stronger than before. Resilient people realise that to be successful they can't do it alone and will ask others for support, advice and encouragement. 

You may be fearful of speaking to your family, friends or colleagues about issues that concern you or that are hindering your progress because they are scared of the outcomes. When you feel supported in a safe environment to talk about your vulnerabilities and fears it will enable you to make great strides in your life. When you lower your protective shield and are brave enough to be who you really are, and to say what you truly feel, you can ask for help. It isn't easy to do but the benefits of being your authentic self will enable you to build your confidence and start to take risks, begin new things and set new boundaries, knowing you don't have to do it all alone. Courage is infectious and sharing your vulnerability will allow others to follow suit and build their resilience.

Being open and honest and learning to ask for help will transform your life, allowing you to explore your potential and live the life you want. At the same time building your resilience and knowing you are loved and accepted for who you are, flaws and all. 

If you are finding it difficult to show your vulnerability, maybe over an issue to do with work or your personal life, why not take some time to think about what's holding you back and who you could ask for help and support. 


Katherine Darbyshire Evans

Resilience and Wellbeing Coach for Owners of Small Businesess, Finer Thinking

I help female business owners build their resilience to manage the negative effects of stress and prevent burnout. By building your resilience you will be able to remain flexible in your thoughts, behaviours and emotions when under stress. Running a small business, whether or not you employ people or not is often isolating and very challenging at times. You can easily become overwhelmed by the workload, constant change and the responsibility it involves. Stress and burnout can creep up on you and I understand what that's like that having personally experienced burnout in my twenties. I have also experienced some major challenges and changes in my life, including redundancy, severe injury and divorce so I appreciate and value the importance and benefits of developing resilience and self-care. Women want to manage their lives better, both practically and emotionally and reduce the impact stress has on them, whilst achieving their goals and aspirations. As an owner and manager of people it is important that you create an environment where you, your people and the business can flourish and thrive and that requires focusing on creating a culture of resilience and wellbeing. As an experienced coach, with over 20 years in the fashion industry at director level, I help and support women to explore and understand the real underlying causes of their stress that undermines their resilience and help them learn the skills to manage their thoughts, feelings and behaviours in a powerful and sustainable way. This enables them to strengthen their resilience and increase their self-esteem so they can more confidently deal with the challenges that life throws their way. In addition to I speak on resilience and wellbeing to women's development groups and also write articles on the subject. I am also a Worth-it Consultant passionate about the need to build resilience in children and young people as part of the education curriculum to help them learn the skills needed for their mental health and wellbeing in an ever challenging and fast paced world.

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