Yes, I HIRED a husband :)
I was single, lonely, fed up of dating the wrong guys and I knew I wanted to be married. I knew I wanted (and deserved) a loving, committed relationship. I also knew that what I was doing to find a great guy wasn't working (the evidence spoke for itself...). So I did the only thing I could in the situation. I went back to basics.
I wracked my brain for ways to meet the right man. I made mindmaps and charts and lists. I researched. I finally realised that I already had the answer to my problem, but I just hadn't thought about it before.
I decided to use my recruitment skills to get myself a great husband!
I'd been hiring people pretty much my entire working life. I knew what made a great hire, and I understood people, relationship and interpersonal dynamics so well that I was often hired to help turn around dysfunctional teams.
I realised that looking for a perfect husband was like hiring a perfect employee. OK so before you get your knickers in a twist about my use of the word perfect, hear me out! I don't believe in perfection. But I do believe that some things or people are perfect for me. I wanted a man who was the perfect match for me. He did NOT have to be perfect. Ok, so now we got that out the way let's crack on with the system!
So if looking for my husband was like hiring an employee, why not treat it like a hire and start with a job spec??
Long story short, that's exactly what I did. I went through the recruitment process with every guy who responded to my online dating advert and I found my GLH (gorgeous lovely husband). We've been married since 2003 and there hasn't been a single day go by when I haven't woken up and said to him "good morning gorgeous lovely hubby". We're as in love today as we were on our wedding day. My system worked. I got the guy!
Why did this system work when everything else had failed?
I believe it's because I took the emotion out of it. I didn't let my prejudices or unrealistic expectations sabotage my chances. I looked at each man as a whole package. I considered how likely we'd be to get on and stay the course. I looked at shared values, goals and dreams. I saw potential in everyone, and I took time to get to know the men who made it to the shortlist. I didn't dive in to dating. In fact it was 4 months before GLH and I had our first date!
When you think about it, we spend more time choosing a pair of shoes than we do choosing a potential husband. We fall in to relationships, stay too long, try to change the other person, refuse to change ourselves, end up living together, end up married, end up divorced.
A more conscious approach to finding a life partner will result in better relationships. That's got to be a good thing, for everyone involved.
So what's stopping you from finding the right man?
Here's my system in short-form so that you can try it for yourself!
- Create a job spec
- what kind of partner/husband do you want? Consider values, goals, dreams, aspirations, children y/n, hobbies and interests, what makes them laugh, pets, holidays.
- don't put height, weight, hair/eye colour requirements on your list!
- Create your advert
- online dating is still a great way to meet the right man; it's not always an overnight success story but if you put the work in you'll get the results.
- Filter 'candidates'
- put them in to Yes/No/Maybe piles and mark them according to your job spec/criteria
- Get to know the ones in your yes pile
- go on some dates, exchange emails, chat on the phone
- Be curious about the ones in your maybe pile
- be honest with yourself about why they aren't on the yes pile (would they be a yes if they were an inch taller???)
- Be open to love.
Most of all, have fun!