The most important message you will read about love (and Valentine's)

So I was walking through Liverpool Street station in London yesterday, and was delighted to see so many images of hearts and messages of love. As a dating coach I was filled with warmth. I am a sucker for positive messages and lovely reminders. And then I remembered - oh, yeah, it’s Valentine’s next month...

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Jan 30, 2015

It’s a funny thing. Some people hate Valentine’s. They put it down to a conspiracy to rip customers off. We should celebrate love every day! But we don’t, do we? Others welcome the celebration. They see it as an opportunity to tell people they love how they feel and indulge in feelings of romance. Celebrating love can enhance our sense of wellbeing. It can feel great.

However, I think we make a general assumption that people know that we love them. But what if they actually really don’t know?

This realisation hit me when I was working at Childline not long ago, a place where I volunteer as a counsellor. I had a couple of similar calls. Young people, who had done something quite benign in the grand scheme of things, and who were terrified that their parents would find out and disown them as a result. They were so embarrassed about what they had done. One was considering running away from home. The other felt suicidal. “I am always good and if my parents found out I had done something wrong they would be so disappointed, I can’t bear it”.

It struck me that their parents would be devastated if they knew the anxiety their children were experiencing. That the children thought they would be unloved simply because they had made some forgivable human error. I wondered if these children would have experienced such heightened anxiety had they known they were loved, not only for when they were ‘good’. Had their parents been explicit in showing them and telling them that they love their children dearly no matter what, would the parents have been the first port of call for help, and not Childline?

I wondered then, if this extends to adults. To our partners in particular, with whom we rely on for love and support, and yet whom we might take for granted (that they know how much we really love them). Yes we should celebrate love every day, but if we have forgotten, then let Valentine’s Day be the reminder to ensure that we do. A day to top up that message and reassure those around us that we still love them. You don’t have to spend a fortune, book an expensive restaurant or trip away. Love is shown through thoughtfulness, understanding and care. It might be buying that rose, but it could be something else, just make sure your actions are accompanied with those words.

I love you.

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Madeleine Mason

Dating Psychologist, PassionSmiths

Madeleine founded dating and relationship company PassionSmiths upon discovering that many people need a little help with their love lives. With an MSc and BSc in psychology, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)training and a background in the mental health profession specialising in quality of life, Madeleine offers personal coaching sessions as well as seminars and workshops . Having experience in marriage, divorce, dating and relationships, Madeleine is passionate about helping people to understand their own needs and getting successful results. She is a member of the British Psychological Society, the International Positive Psychology Association and the Dating Industry Professionals Network. She was shortlisted for Dating Expert of the Year 2014 at the UK Dating Awards, has worked with TimeOut and Daily Telegraph and continues to blog at LifeLabs.

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