Why Confidence Isn't A Lucky Lottery And How To Up Yours
Have you ever wondered why some people are so effortlessly confident? You know those people who seem to breeze through life all “lah-di -dah, I know what to say and when”, the ones who smile and laugh a lot and own the room with their presence? Do you ever catch yourself being envious of those people or saying “That will never be me”? If so...
HOLD UP|STOP THE TRAIN|YOU JUST GOT OFF AT LIMITSVILLE.
It’s ok though, don’t worry, we’ve all been there. It’s actually awesome to admire the qualities in others that we want for ourselves. However, thinking something will never be you, means it will never be you. This is possibly the most limiting statement we can believe to be true. In this blog, I explode this limitation so that you can use your own confidence to get more of what you want from life.
The secret is, there’s no lucky dip with the confidence lottery. It isn’t something some people are born with and others without. We’re all born with confidence, it just depends on how willing you are use it. Any unwillingness to use it comes from a fear of failure. I’m going to tell you how to bypass the fear so that you can appear confident to the people that matter.
Here’s the truth bomb, you can’t BE a confident or unconfident person, it is not who you are, it’s a feeling that occurs for us depending on the situation we face. How confident we appear to be depends on how much confidence we choose to use in that moment. Labelling yourself as an unconfident person is what happens when people don’t realise they were born with an abundance of confidence. If you don’t know you have something you don’t use it right? And how confident you are in any moment is not a judgement you can make of yourself. This is only a judgement others can make of you. People cannot read your mind, if you don’t feel confident but display confident behaviours, they can only judge you on what you say and do. We never really know what is going on in people’s heads. I’ve worked with CEOs who whilst appearing to be confident have told me they feel unconfident on a daily basis but dig deep for confidence so they can fulfil their role as a CEO. This is what’s got them to the top.
The knock on effect of appearing confident and people judging you as so, is that they then respond to you as a confident person. So things start to happen like, you get the pay rise or the promotion you wanted, the date you were hoping for or included in more social activities. What happens when we start to experience these changes in our lives is our truth about ourselves changes. We stop believing we are an unconfident person and the things that happen to confident people start happening to us.
So quit trying to tell yourself to be a more confident person. Remember, this is really hard because you can’t be a confident or unconfident person, it’s just a choice you make as to how much confidence you use in any moment. The easiest way to do it is to use the confidence that lives within you to display more confident behaviours like smiling more, speaking up, standing up straight and using eye contact. Observe others that you think are confident, what do they do? Remember, people can’t read your mind, do you really know what is going on in that person’s head? Just like the CEOs who appear confident when they are not, use your available confidence to get to the top.
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