Me and my partner had a row yesterday. It was my fault I have not been treating him right lately and letting my anxiety and mood swings reflect on our relationship. We nearly split up over this.

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Bianca Sadler on Jun 12, 2017 • 4 answers
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But he has said he is not going to leave me. He has said we just need to try and forget that yesterday ever happened and move forward if we are going to work. Now he just seems off with me, his texts are short and to the point, its like he cannot make eye contact with me and doesn't want to kiss me. The biggest one is that he isn't saying I love you anymore. Is this a sign that its the end of us?

Answers

I am curious about what it means for your partner to be in this relationship, how does he see himself as a partner and I would also like you to think about these positions.
How have both managed previous crisis/difficulties in your relationship? are there example of successful resolution?
How do you both deal with uncertainties generally and what resources do you use to help you and your partner?

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Lopa Vibhakar on Jun 12, 2017
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It sounds as though you and your partner need some time to talk through how each of you are feeling and what about your relationship is influencing those feelings. When couples have a major argument it is a mistake to think you can 'move forward' without dealing with what provoked the argument. Whatever it is, has to be dealt with either by resolving the conflict or if it is possible to accept that you each have a different opinion about the issues you were arguing about. Some issues couples can agree to disagree over others are deal breakers - it is up to you each to decide what this issue is for you.

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Dr Shelagh Wright on Jun 12, 2017
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although you have agreed to move on, your partner may be harbouring resentment for the way you have treated his feelings. This can be a difficult emotion to let go of . He may need help to forgive the hurt you have caused him, but you can provide this by being consistent and caring. Although it may take time to gain his trust.

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Judy Howell on Jun 12, 2017
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Hi Bianca, firstly, well done for acknowledging that you've been taking your feelings out on your partner (I understand this is what has been happening and that you are not simply blaming yourself for this problem). Doing this gives you an opportunity to change. It can be hard to change our feelings but easier to change how we act (eg with your boyfriend walking away and taking time to calm down if your emotions are getting overwhelming). This may not be the end of your relationship if you and your boyfriend can find a way to talk about how you are together, particularly when you're feeling anxious. If he's open to talking, you could ask what it has been like for him when you have treated him badly. This would allow him to say more directly what he is experiencing, rather than indirectly which he's doing at the moment. This current problem gives you an opportunity to communicate better and support each other - it sounds as if you have perhaps relied on him for help and you may have got stuck in this pattern? If he is not willing to discuss then there is not much you can do, but I hope you can find a way forward. I also hope you are getting some help with the anxiety and mood swings and if not you can speak to your GP or pick up a leaflet at the surgery and refer yourself for help. All the best to you with this and in your relationship.

Go to the profile of Joan Dawson
Joan Dawson on Jun 14, 2017
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