How do you forgive someone if you feel that they are not sorry for what they have done? Her comments make me feel she is not at all sorry. "We all make mistakes, we have to learn and grow!"

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Judith on Sep 22, 2016 • 1 answer
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The truth is her actions with my ex did split my marriage, at a time when my children were infants. Life as a single parent was wonderful but tough at times. The consequences of her actions follow me through life, daughters weddings, second divorce when she starts messing with my second husband, yes she has her own husband. I feel I am harming myself by harbouring a grudge.

Answers

There is no necessity to forgive anyone - that has to be your personal choice, and done for your own reasons.
Would she want your forgiveness?
Some people wouldn't care either way - and similarly care very little, and show no remorse for their behaviours and the impact these have had on other people.
They may even minimalise or deny the consequences of their actions - by using cliche phrases and memes...which can even make things worse and imply that the fault lies in the way their behaviour was perceived!
It might help for you to see her in a different light - as someone who is deficient in human empathy, care or compassion, as someone who has a character flaw.
You may want to forgive her for not knowing or wanting to behave any better - but you may not.
If it lightens your emotional load to have pity for her then that serves you better than 'harming yourself by harbouring a grudge'.
If you believe in 'Karma' that may also be of some comfort to you.

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Maxine Harley on Sep 22, 2016
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