How to leave marital life smoothly with out feeling of being guilty.

Go to the profile of Foad Saleh Elmagri
Foad Saleh Elmagri on Apr 22, 2015 • 4 answers
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There are many problems which makes life hill.

Answers

Unless you have a real something to feel guilty about something, other than the need to leave an ended marriage, the guilt comes from taking responsibility for your partner. Of course I don't know you and all the details and this is a massive question. But my switch of prospective would be, 'only time will tell if this is the best thing you could ever have done for that person, and for yourself'. I went through something like this, thinking my ex would fall apart and it would be my fault. He did for a bit, then became happier than he would ever have been with me. To be guilt free at the end of a relationship, think about setting them free. Different if your feeling guilt about kids, but that's a whole new question :) hope that helps!

Go to the profile of Becky Walsh
Becky Walsh on Apr 22, 2015
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It is difficult to give you advice on this without more information on your situation e.g - Your reasons for wanting to leave?
- What worked in the marriage? What didn't?
- What support have you sought to deal with your problems?
- What's behind the guilt?
- What would be the cost of staying/leaving?
When you have fully explored the situation either alone or in partnership with your husband/wife, it is then easier to make a firm decision and move on. Take some time to ponder the questions and I hope your responses would help you deal with your next steps better. Best wishes, Obi

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Obi James on Apr 22, 2015
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This is a great question, separation is not an easy task. It sounds like you care about your spouse, which is a good start for a smooth ending, because in that frame of mind you are being mindful of their feelings and that in itself is helpful to them. You might not be totally free of guilt, nor indeed other emotions that are involved in separation which include sorrow, anger and fear (despite the fact you made the decision to leave). I would recommend you not to fight the emotions, but let them guide you. So your feelings of guilt may guide you to be more compassionate towards your spouse during the separation. Communication is key, talk to your spouse as much as he/she needs you to. Perhaps ask yourself what it is that is making you feel guilty and whether there are other ways of interpreting the situation, like Becky mentioned earlier, an alternative thought could be "I'm setting my spouse free".

Go to the profile of Madeleine Mason
Madeleine Mason on Apr 23, 2015
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I agree with all of the above and the words which resonate most for me (as a divorcee and coach) are forgiveness, kindness and letting go. Regardless of who makes and drives the decision there should be no blame attached and both of you need to forgive and be kind to each other, and yourselves. Only by letting go of the past and the powerful emotions which will undoubtedly arise during this most painful time, will you have the chance to heal and move forward with confidence and love. I wrote a very personal article on this subject which you may wish to read Foad. it is on Life Labs https://lifelabs.psychologies.co.uk/posts/1189-love-loss-and-recovery-moving-out-and-moving-on Good luck to you and your partner.

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David Head on Apr 29, 2015
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