I am really struggling in my relationship right now.

Go to the profile of Chloe Pitt
Chloe Pitt on Aug 04, 2016 • 1 answer
We've been together 5 years, married for two. I love him but we're stuck in a rut. I feel bored, if I'm honest. Maybe I'm just bored of my life? What can I do to change the status quo a bit?

Answers

Honesty. Honesty with yourself to start with. I wonder what comes up for you if you answer these questions: How much energy are you putting into your relationship? How many positive interactions do you initiate? How many negative? What happens when you write down all the reasons you fell in love with this man - when was the last time you spent time appreciate these things in him? What do you need in other areas of your life? How are you taking care of yourself?

The thing is, it is so easy to look to our relationship for everything and no relationship can fulfill all our needs. It's also easy to look to our partner to be different, much harder to behave differently ourselves, but the only person we can change is our self.

John Gottman says that healthy relationships have a balance of 7:1 positive to negative exchanges to thrive and 5:1 to survive. How about keeping a mental check on how many genuine appreciations and positives you give your husband. You might also like to keep a daily that focuses on what you appreciate and care for in your husband; it could just be daily list of what you have noticed. When we first meet someone we are blown away with all they give us and then we get used to it and take it for granted and keeping an appreciation journal can help bring back some of the things we don't notice any more.

If you're feeling really brave you could set aside time with your husband to share appreciations nightly..just 3 things each that you appreciated about each other that day.

See how you go.

Julie

Go to the profile of Dr Julie Leoni
Dr Julie Leoni on Aug 05, 2016