I have been in a relationship with this great man for the past 9 months and everything has been great. My ex husband has been an issue because he does not want me to move on.

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Jaime on May 20, 2016 • 3 answers
The last time that my boyfriend was in my house, my ex threatened me that he was going to break down the door and beat us both or do something to his car. Since then my boyfriend has been distant and he asked me to give him some time to process things. I know he cares about me but I don't know how to handle this. Should I not reach out to him at all?

Answers

Hi Jaime. I'm sorry to hear this, it's tough.

As I read your question the things that most springs to mind is that you might need to focus on your ex more urgently than your current boyfriend. You see, your ex's behaviour is unacceptable. Your ex has no right to be threatening you or anyone else in this way. This is something that I think the police should be aware of and you can dial 101 to talk to them about it. It may be that the police take no action, but when you report threats when they happen, you are building up a profile which may serve you at a later date.

I wonder if your ex was aggressive within your marriage? If he was then I can understand that standing up to him now might feel scary. Make sure you get support to help you deal with him. You might be interested in this free eBook which will give you information about what domestic violence is and where to get support: http://www.togetheragainstdomesticabuse.com/index.php/victims/

I wonder if when you start to take a stand about your ex's behaviours, if your boyfriend won't re-engage with you. Talk to him and see if you can stand together against this bullying behaviour.

Keep safe and know that bullying, threats and violence are completely unacceptable from anyone ever. Don't put up with it.
Julie

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Dr Julie Leoni on May 20, 2016

Hi Jaime. I'm sorry to hear this, it's tough.

As I read your question the things that most springs to mind is that you might need to focus on your ex more urgently than your current boyfriend. You see, your ex's behaviour is unacceptable. Your ex has no right to be threatening you or anyone else in this way. This is something that I think the police should be aware of and you can dial 101 to talk to them about it. It may be that the police take no action, but when you report threats when they happen, you are building up a profile which may serve you at a later date.

I wonder if your ex was aggressive within your marriage? If he was then I can understand that standing up to him now might feel scary. Make sure you get support to help you deal with him. You might be interested in this free eBook which will give you information about what domestic violence is and where to get support: http://www.togetheragainstdomesticabuse.com/index.php/victims/

I wonder if when you start to take a stand about your ex's behaviours, if your boyfriend won't re-engage with you. Talk to him and see if you can stand together against this bullying behaviour.

Keep safe and know that bullying, threats and violence are completely unacceptable from anyone ever. Don't put up with it.
Julie

Go to the profile of Dr Julie Leoni
Dr Julie Leoni on May 20, 2016

Jaime,
Would you like to have a 1:1 with me to discuss things in context and detail?
Suzie

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Suzie Parkus on May 31, 2016