My boyfriend of 7 months (however close friend of over a year) is amazing and I believe we will be married one day. Before (8 months) we got in a relationship I slept with his close friend who's is

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Jessica on Feb 19, 2016 • 1 answer
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Also my close friend.... We have both kept it quiet and I have recently been thinking about telling my boyfriend. My fear is that he will be really upset and lose trust in me or feel differently about me. I don't know wether my need to tell him is selfish or the right thing to do? he has a very sensitive soul and I don't want to cause any pain of its not necessary. Help!!! What should I do?

Answers

Hi there. Thank you for reaching out and sharing. In doing so I think you may have answered your own question? At some level you feel a need to tell your partner about an indiscretion that in reality has nothing to do with him, based on a notion of 'doing the right thing' (aka 'full disclosure' = honesty, and honesty = 'good person'?)), when you are likely to hurt his feelings (you say he is sensitive) and cause unnecessary drama. I am wondering whether it perhaps better for you to talk about this with an objective person ( a coach or therapist) and work through your emotions about your assumptions on what it means to you to do the right thing and the importance this is for you, rather than telling your partner about it. He doesn't need to know, it's something that happened in the past and presumably he has nothing to worry about in regards to you and your mutual friend. In which case, focus on what you have together and enjoy one another :)

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Madeleine Mason on Feb 20, 2016
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