We all get to that point where we know something needs to change, although we might have no idea of what or how to start.
It’s easier to know what we don’t want than what we do want.
It’s easier to know that we don’t want to continue with a relationship, or that we want to quit our job, or that some habits are not serving our highest interest.
But most of the time, what keeps us stuck in those situations is that we don’t know what we want instead.
I’ve worked with many clients that decided to start coaching because they weren’t fulfilled and they needed a change. In our first session I normally ask them what they want to achieve, what their goals are or what their dream life looks like. And many of them panic while they say… “I have no idea!”
They panic because they think that if they don’t know now, there’s something wrong with them, or they will never find out and they assume that they will have to continue with their old life forever.
Getting clarity around our values, purpose and priorities is one of the first steps we need to take when we start making changes.
BUT THIS STEP TAKES TIME. Getting clarity around your goals and priorities can take some time, you might need to do some inner exploration, journaling or spend time meditating until ideas or inspiration come.
I used to dedicate one session of my 6-session program to the topic of clarity and this was clearly underestimated!
Most people realise that what they’ve wanted all their lives was actually not based on their priorities but someone else’s. Family, partner, society, friends…. We all want to be loved, admired and accepted, so unconsciously we make decisions that are based on what others expect from us and not on what we actually want.
We follow a path without asking ourselves why we’re doing it. Somewhere along the path we realise we are not happy. And we stop, and want to change, but… what’s the alternative? What’s the right path for me?
There are so many choices, how do I know what would make me happy, what would fulfil me, what would bring me joy? And fear comes in, questioning your decision to change: “why bother, maybe I wasn’t that bad after all. If I don’t even know what I want…WILL I EVER BE HAPPY?”
The answer is yes. There is a path for you. You can remove the layers and find out how you truly want to live your life. You just need time to discover it.
So here are some tips to help you get unstuck in your journey:
1.Give yourself time to be comfortable with not knowing.
This is part of the process and a very important one! Be patient and clarity will come.
Bear in mind that you are probably fighting years of ‘programming’ from society, school or family, and removing the layers is not an easy task.
However, if you know you want a change, you have taken the most important step!
Don’t rush any decisions and take as long as you need until you know what choices are the right ones for you.
2.Meditate and ask for guidance.
Meditation will help you clear the ‘clutter’ of the mind – all those thoughts, limiting beliefs and ideas that don't belong to your true self.
Following your intuition is a great way to start. In this article I share 5 steps to start developing your intuition.
3.Start with little changes.
Maybe your current goals are not a huge career change, moving to another country or anything that will put your life upside down. It doesn’t need to be! Your goals can be anything from enjoying little moments and being able to relax more to starting a new hobby or spending more time with people you love.
Start with small attainable goals and habits while you work on getting clarity around the big picture.
4.An exercise to help you get clarity around your values:
Think of someone you really admire. What do you like about them? What do they do that you would like to do? What do they have that you would love to have? What are their values? Why is that important for you?
5.Work on your limiting beliefs.
Sometimes we know inside ourselves what we need to do.
Maybe you know what you want but unconsciously you think that you don’t deserve it, or that that’s a silly idea or that your decisions will upset someone you love.
Spend some time working on your unconscious beliefs, we all have quite a few of them! Here is an article on how to identify and remove limiting beliefs.
If this article spoke to you, my online course ‘Awaken Your Inner Power – The Feminine Way’ includes many similar tools, video explanations and guided visualisations, check it out here!
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