Have you ever thought: ‘Why do I keep dating guys that behave exactly like my dad?’ ‘Why do I keep making the same mistakes my mum used to make?’ ‘Why does every woman in the family suffer from the same type of disease?’
Our experiences with our ancestors and parental figures have an impact on who he have become today.
We’ve all had painful experiences, as well as beautiful and nurturing ones.
Most of us have been hurt by people we loved and I’m sure at some point we have hurt them too.
When we are hurt we have two options: hold on to the story and become a victim or release it and transform it into wisdom.
When we hold on to the stories (my mum never showed me love, my dad treated me badly, my siblings bullied me) we get stuck in the past.
We stay in the victim role and use our past experiences to justify our bad luck or lack of success. ‘My sister was my parents’ favourite, that’s why I lack self-confidence’. ‘My mum never showed me love that’s why I’m unable to give love to others’. ‘I come from a poor family so I will never be rich’.
We blame them for our unhappiness to avoid taking responsibility.
Very often, the inability to make peace with our ancestors results in us reliving their stories, repeating the same family patterns and being resentful and unhappy.
If we have suffered traumatic experiences, we can’t change what happened.
But making peace with our ancestors is not about denying what happened, it is about stop identifying ourselves with the story.
We can’t go back in time and change the past, but we CAN release the stories, forgive, ask for forgiveness and let go.
By doing this, you transform your old stories into a source of inner power.
This simple and powerful exercise will help you make peace with your ancestors:
1.Sit in meditation/stillness for a few minutes.
Choose a place where you won’t be disturbed and turn off all devices/notifications.
Focus on your breath and let go of any thoughts unrelated to this exercise.
2.Pick 3 ancestors (they can be alive) you want to heal your relationships with.
3.Pick an item that represents them.
It can be something that belonged to them if you have it, an object they gave to you or just pick a stone from the park.
4.Start a dialogue with each one of them.
Visualise them in front of you.
What do you want to tell them? How do you feel about them? What do you need to forgive? What do you want them to forgive you for? What do they need to know?
Say anything that comes to mind. Even if it’s something unpleasant, let it out. You are not talking to the actual person so you won’t hurt them. Doing this is beneficial for both parts as it will help heal the relationship.
Now step onto their shoes, holding the object or stone you have selected. What do they want to tell you? How do they feel about what you just said? What messages do they have for you?
Continue the dialogue until it feels complete.
5.Do some journaling about this experience.
You can even write a letter to your ancestors and break it, bury it or burn it in a full moon fire ceremony to release the old energies.
Don’t underestimate the power of these rituals, they are tremendously powerful!
Shamans say that the limbic brain changes through ceremony.
With these symbolic actions or rituals we integrate change and we can heal much more quickly than just by talking about it. Awareness is important to understand the problem.
But if you just talk about it, you get stuck in the story. To release the past and transform it into a source of power, we need to let go of the story.
Another beautiful idea is to make an altar for your ancestors, placing objects that represent them.
You can nurture this space by bringing flowers, lighting up a candle or saying a prayer.
This way, you release your old stories so you don’t get stuck in old patterns.
You will be able to integrate the lessons learnt, and connect with the beautiful experiences and wisdom.
From my own experience, I can say that this process feels tremendously healing, refreshing and empowering. You will feel much lighter and grateful.
It might be wise to work with a professional coach or therapist to guide you through this process as we all hold so many stories within us that it can get overwhelming to do it on your own!
I hope you like this exercise and look forward to reading your comments.
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