I'm not great with downtime. Fact.
It's not that I don't love a duvet day / Netflix binge, a long bath, or lightly toasting myself out on a sun lounger, it's just that I feel a sense of guilt if I'm not using my time 'productively'.
I can categorically say I'm not a 'live to work' kind-of-person, but I am one to fill my time with projects, hobbies and social engagements. I suppose I feel my best when I'm spinning a few plates and dipping my fingers in a pie or two. I just love the buzz of being busy.
Going into lockdown was no exception, in fact I was actually excited to be at home, to finally have time to do all the little jobs I 'never get around to'. Exercise, learning a new skill, cooking, just feeling like I could 'own' my day a bit mote instead of being a slave to the commute. I was looking at this as a 'time to grow', an opportunity to mix up the daily grind and a time to be a bit more 'free'. But the truth is, lockdown is anything but freeing. You're either entirely alone or fighting for an inch of space in an overcrowded house, day in day out. You're scared; on edge at the supermarket, worried about relatives, angry at those not taking this seriously. You deeply miss the people you care about most and yet the thought of another Zoom quiz fills you with dread. You're exhausted but sleeping more than ever, and let's not even go there with the number of wine bottles you're adding to the recycling bin each week.
Lockdown isn't normal. It's hard for all of us and there's no magic number of tasks on a 'to do' list that is going to make that go away. All we can really do at this time is accept the current situation and to take each day as it comes, worts and all. We'll each have our good days, and a handful of the teary ones, but there's comfort in the cliché that 'we're all in this together' because, maybe for the first time ever, we actually are.