Finding your grounding when the ground keeps shifting

Today Fe shares personal reflections on what helps wellbeing when life becomes more fluid, and less predictable

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The last few weeks have been very interesting personally, as I have lived through the disruption of selling a home and moving in with family while renovating a home. I have been smiling to notice some of the responses within me as my belongings were packed and sent to storage, and so many familiar things fell away.
 
Dealing with change is far from easy. This moving process has been a useful metaphor for me to practice with how to remain grounded when so much around me has felt fluid and changing. It’s been a good reminder of the reality that nothing is forever, and change is continual, both within me, and in the world around me. It’s also been interesting to notice the difference between change that I have been in control of, and change that has been uncertain, and outside my control.
 
We all experience things differently, and take different lessons from the things that happen to us. Here are a few of the aspects that have held the most meaning for me this last few weeks:
 
  1. Connecting to myself physically. Taking the time to breathe, to feel my feet or to notice my tummy has been really important to me. It’s so easy to get detached and become heady, I find coming back to my body is the fastest way to find perspective and balance. It literally brings me back to ground.
  2. Connecting to the people around me. They say it’s good to talk, and it is. It’s also good to listen! When stress is high, other people may notice what you need before you do, and if you’ll let them, they can probably help. This has been really helpful to me in the last few weeks, sharing with people what I feel, and hearing what they notice and acting on that too.
  3. Know your strengths and play to them. You may be someone who is really organised, or who prefers to be spontaneous. You may focus on thinking, or be quite attuned to feeling. You may be extraverted, or you may be introverted. We each have so many different qualities and preferences, and they matter. Ask yourself, when I’m at my best I’m like what? And create space to be that way when you are up against it. What are the coping mechanisms that suit you best?
  4. Be clear about what matters, and all the things that don’t. It’s been fascinating to learn about what actually makes a difference to my well-being and sense of peace, and what doesn’t, especially as it wasn’t all what I expected! As you move through change, keep checking in and asking yourself how much things that jar really matter. What are you prepared to die in a ditch for? Not much, in reality. Given this, how can you let go of all the other smaller niggles that could otherwise drag you down?
  5. Notice what you appreciate. I have found it so useful each day to sit down and really savour the things that have gone well. From people being kind to a beam of sunshine, spending some time really being with what feels good has made a big difference to my well-being. It’s a perfect antidote to day to day worries and concerns, it just gives a re-balance.
 
So, these are my five learnings from my move so far. What other tips do you have for managing through personal change?

Fe Robinson, Psychotherapist

Hi. I'm Fe, and I'm here to help you thrive, whatever life brings. I believe every client is unique, I work with you to help you explore, discover and grow in whatever ways are right for you. I work with a wide range of clients, both long and short term. I offer Psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and Couples Counselling to UK clients online and in Durham in North-East England. I am UKCP Accredited and an EMDR Europe Practitioner, and offer Clinical Supervision to counsellors and psychotherapists online and in person. Following a career in Organisation Development I became a therapist because it's my heart work. Before having my family and starting my private practice I worked in the NHS and mental health charities.

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