Braving the Storm Instinctively
I often suggest that time offers the opportunity for change. I love change. I get frustrated when everything feels full of the sameness. These last few months of change and upheaval to our normal lives where I would normally be resistant I have to admit, I have been very open to it this time.
My goodness what a start to 2021. It has been exciting, exhilarating, challenging.
Yes, all of these words. Who would have thought after the last whole year that I would be talking like this? I wouldn’t have thought it. But sometimes, when life throws you a curve ball, you have a choice. Bury your head in the sand or step up and try to grab that ball with all your worth.
After having thyroid surgery back in June 2020 I had a lot of time to sit, and reflect, there was not much else I could do in the midst of a pandemic. I couldn’t move my neck, I had lost 3 stone in weight and have to admit, I had found the whole ordeal with the interaction and exchange with the health service, upsetting.
Leap forward to today and I am due a check up next week to make sure all is well on the blood front, to ensure that the pills I now take daily to keep me alive, are working to their full potential. I am nervous, but only because my health on a 10% level is now in the hands of Doctors. This feeling I have today has given me a kick up the hind to ensure that the other 90% of me is utilised to the fullest. With this in mind as I was furloughed last year, I started to apply for another new job a few weeks after the surgery, it was something to do.
If I tell you the whole truth and nothing but the truth, I absolutely want to be a writer, a writer of books, of articles, of scripts, of. . . cringe. . . poetry. Which I do quite a lot of weekly as a hobby, as my contribution to life, all voluntary without recompense and after lots of study and qualifications and practise, I never found the self-belief and empowerment to actually apply for employment in this sector. Why. Well instinctively, I don’t have a clue how I would consistently write such amazing pieces as the likes of the many writers that contribute to Psychologies Magazine and the published Authors of amazing books that I read every month.
If I dig really deep my childhood passion was to work with the T.V. industry. . . but my hang up with public speaking always got in the way.
I also have a dual identity where I want to teach, I want to be a teacher to others in the learning process of life, potentially educationally and this double edged passion that I have, never seemed to become a reality, due to cost, time and lack of ability to public speak. Heck!
During my time as the writer whilst parenting, I never earned a single penny (okay - 35p), which isn’t going to make me an independent woman now is it. That being said, every qualification that takes me into the process of becoming a teacher sends me spiralling into more debt. It had become a vicious circle of issues that condemned the prospect of opportunity, I, myself, don’t like debt, I love to have money in the bank, savings even, for that rainy day. I like to plan the future based on the finances. I have always believed that this is what motivates me.
Debt, it doesn’t motivate me!
To bring some money in and with the intention to teach, I had tried being a Cover Supervisor and loved working with the Y7s however, above that age I struggled with behavioural management aspect of motivating a classroom. With this in mind I applied for a Teaching Assistant job and I got it, working for the most amazing school and the children were amazing to work with, even during a pandemic, when most of the world was in lock down I was in a bubble with Y7s.
Unfortunately, something didn’t feel right about me being in the role of Teaching Assistant - maybe it was the pandemic and lack of feeling safe, I don't know - I loved the work itself, but there was no leadership, no decision making, no accountability and the distance between members of staff due to the crazy times created a feeling of concern in me. I instinctively wanted to do more, to be more, and when the opportunity arose during lockdown three to become a Virtual Learning Support Assistant using Microsoft team, I was absolutely in my element.
When most people around me were complaining about this and that.
I was thriving and I realised I wanted more of it. I didn’t want it to stop when practise returned to the normal old ways. I felt accountable. I was in my element. However, everything is slowly returning to the perceived normal. Children are back at school and I decided I had to get my act together and get a job that created that same passion I'd felt whilst working online through Microsoft Teams.
It was time to get my administrative head back on, it was time to take up a few opportunities that would cost money, however thankfully having saved whilst I worked, I was in a good place.
The Teaching Assistant job ended and I was so relieved, I am now back on supply with the wonderful recruitment firm - they truly look after me - and I specifically asked if I could have some administrative work. They listened and I am now on a contract with a college as an administrator. I love it. I have attended a few Tony Robbins events this year, one was free in February, another I paid for in March.
It is now April, I have bought 3 books that I am sure will help my focus. I have listened and learned and allocated and prioritised. I may only be functioning with 90% control of my future health and wellbeing, however the beginning of 2021 has been absolutely wonderful.
Long may it continue.
Spring is in the air.
Patterns are forming, habits are realigning and I have a whole new energy that I thought I had lost after my time sitting alone, writing in solitude like a hermit. I do not recommend it.
Life is for living.
Life is for learning.
Life is for focusing on what is right for you.
Life is good.
I’m hoping to consolidate what I have learned in recent months and make a few changes, and direct decisions. I will keep you posted.
Wish me luck ♥
Love to you all and no matter what is happening around you, you are worth it.
If you want to see a little more of my writing recently, take a look over here, and I’m levelling up and trying a little vlogging at last, if you are interested in seeing what I am getting up to in 2021, peek here.