In relationships, communication is often an issue. It is very common for couples to draw away from having uncomfortable conversations. Partners may not want to hurt each other, and may be worried about the impact on their lover if they bring up something that is challenging. Or, they may be hiding from their own truth because they do not want to be responsible for it, it may be easier to simply not acknowledge what you think or feel.
A key part of the couples counselling process is openly saying what is true for you. Given we are all different, what one partner perceives will be different to what the other partner perceives. This means there is a risk built in to saying what we see, feel and think.
Getting past our natural hesitations and finding a way to feel free to speak is important, if you want communication to improve in your relationship. The therapy room is a safe space, with someone else there witnessing and supporting you, where you can experiment with speaking openly. As your communication skills as a couple improve, the need for a third to facilitate your communication will reduce, and you can begin to embed more open dialogue into your every day interactions.
What couples often don't know until they start communicating openly is that it is free communication that feeds spontaneity, pleasure and joy. Being able to laugh together, not because humour is diverting from the truth, but because you are enjoying what is happening in the here and now is a liberating and lightening experience. Watching this openness unfold is one of the great things about being a couples counsellor.
If there is a lot of love in your relationship, but you are somehow missing each other, it may be that communication is a theme you could usefully work with. For help in finding the spontaneous and the joyful in your couple connection, get in touch.