BREAKUPS: When is it time to Date again?

Sex is the most natural things we humans do, but everyone is afraid to talk about it! To live a truly free life we need mind, body and spirit to be connected. This is a column for Mindful sex, love and relationships. Break the taboo and ask me any burning questions. Don’t be shy- your questions will be anonymous. To ask questions for next week, please email me at Let’s build community…leave comments on the comment board—I love it when you talk back to me! ~ Psalm

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“After a Breakup, how long should I wait to date again?”

I have a student who came to me after a breakup, she was desperate. She had gone into a deep depression and had been trapped in bed under a pile of self help books on dating. She said I seemed like a woman who knew how to get what I wanted from men (if only that were true!) and that she wanted to “get him back”. All her thoughts were about him and she felt if she improved herself, he would come back.

She had tied all her self esteem, self worth and feminine sensual power up with “him”.

The first thing I wanted to do was get her out of her obsessing in her head.
I had her do some yoga and massage and breath into her body. We did some Tantric breath work to get the fire back and build her sexual vitality again.

Then I gave her homework to go on a few dates with other men, just to keep herself alive and juicy.

She came back to see me this week and when I opened the door she looked like a whole new person. She was glowing and vibrant and fun to talk to because she wasn’t saying the same obsessive things.
She told me, “My sexuality is not tied to any one person or guy. My sexuality is my own and I can enjoy it, which is really freeing.”
She had met a new guy she was really excited about who was showing up for her instead of obsessing over the one who couldn’t give her what she wanted.

Cheers to a success story!

Do you:
Obsess about the same person?
Constantly fantasize about the future with them?
Feel insecure because they don’t want you?

Obsessive thoughts are very painful. It is the chitta mind- the function of the mind to create thoughts. Instead of fighting with your mind, do something physical to relieve stress and break negative patterns.

Your homework this week:
Take yourself on a date!
Go dancing and get in touch with your hips, feel that your sexuality and sensuality is your own to enjoy.

Please leave your comments below.

To view the video, click here:

Psalm Isadora

Founder, Urban Kama Sutra Yoga

Psalm Isadora is a Tantra expert, author and yoga teacher based in Los Angeles. She has taught thousands of workshops internationally and specializes in simplifying the methods of Tantra to help modern men and women have mindful sex and intimacy. She has travelled extensively in India to learn the ancient secrets of Tantra and make them accessible to everyone.


Go to the profile of Snehaa Pujari
over 7 years ago
It is not that easy, after a long long relationship moreover when he is your first love !! "Go and Date" that so creepy :/
Go to the profile of Psalm Isadora
over 7 years ago
hi @snehaa - imagine what new amazing romantic experiences are in your future if you can let go of your "first love". he may have been the first, he won't be your last if you can let go and open your heart again! i understand the difficulty of getting over a breakup. sometimes loss is a good lessen, let go of what wasn't working so you can focus on the future. what kind of relationship do you want? self-love comes first. how can you focus your energy in a positive way to have better health, fitness and happiness. i teach women how to tap into their own sensuality first and learn their pleasure triggers - that way when you meet a partner you can go deeper together from the self-love you have practiced alone. i am looking forward to meeting people at the om yoga show in london, maybe you can come to the "sex and meditation" talk i am giving oct 24th. click here: