Figuring Myself Out
My search for meaningful connection
Spending time in the company of those dear to me.
Feeling accepted, included and recognised.
Laughing until my stomach hurts.
Feeling the warm sun on my face.
Becoming absorbed in a wonderful book.
Those are the moments when I feel most connected, when I feel like I belong, when I feel like me.
These are the experiences I want more of in my life and what I’m searching for through this project. It’s been just over three weeks since I started on my first theme of better understanding myself and I’m already learning a lot about myself.
I am more aware of the times that leave me feeling disconnected and isolated. Understanding what these are will help me enormously in my journey. They tend to be the moments when I feel a sense of humiliation, frustration, fear, exclusion and misunderstanding. I suspect these are not much different to that which most other people experience in times of disconnect. It is usually what happens when I, or someone around me, behaves in a way that is not in accordance with my values. Which is another thing that I’ve learned about myself this month. I have completed a couple of exercises that have made me more aware of what my values are – these include belonging, fairness, thoughtfulness, accomplishment, joy, authenticity, connectedness, humour and recognition.
I am also understanding how to become resilient during the periods of disconnection and to help myself more in those moments. The books I’ve read this month have been helping a lot with this. Things like self-compassion, awareness, empathy, curiosity, recognition and showing courage are tools which I shall carry forward with me and continue to practice.
As the first month of my project comes to a close, I’m somewhat surprised by how much I have come to know about myself within a relatively short period of time. I am sure this is only a fraction of all that there is to learn and all that I will continue to learn. But even the knowledge I have gained so far will stand me in good stead as I continue with the remaining eleven months of this journey.
Just knowing more about me makes me feel stronger, more empowered somehow – I’m quite an indecisive person and having this new awareness about myself is helping me make better decisions. Decisions that I hope will ultimately help me feel more connected with myself, allow me to be more authentic in my connections with others and live in a more connected way.
If I can continue to learn more of that and about myself, and try to live according to my values then this will be a huge step forward in this project. But it’s also important that I start putting this knowledge into practice to see what works for me in reality and this is what I plan to do in the second month.