Figuring Myself Out

My search for meaningful connection

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Spending time in the company of those dear to me.

Feeling accepted, included and recognised.

Laughing until my stomach hurts.

Feeling the warm sun on my face.

Becoming absorbed in a wonderful book.

Those are the moments when I feel most connected, when I feel like I belong, when I feel like me.

These are the experiences I want more of in my life and what I’m searching for through this project. It’s been just over three weeks since I started on my first theme of better understanding myself and I’m already learning a lot about myself.

I am more aware of the times that leave me feeling disconnected and isolated. Understanding what these are will help me enormously in my journey. They tend to be the moments when I feel a sense of humiliation, frustration, fear, exclusion and misunderstanding. I suspect these are not much different to that which most other people experience in times of disconnect. It is usually what happens when I, or someone around me, behaves in a way that is not in accordance with my values. Which is another thing that I’ve learned about myself this month. I have completed a couple of exercises that have made me more aware of what my values are – these include belonging, fairness, thoughtfulness, accomplishment, joy, authenticity, connectedness, humour and recognition.

I am also understanding how to become resilient during the periods of disconnection and to help myself more in those moments. The books I’ve read this month have been helping a lot with this. Things like self-compassion, awareness, empathy, curiosity, recognition and showing courage are tools which I shall carry forward with me and continue to practice.

As the first month of my project comes to a close, I’m somewhat surprised by how much I have come to know about myself within a relatively short period of time. I am sure this is only a fraction of all that there is to learn and all that I will continue to learn. But even the knowledge I have gained so far will stand me in good stead as I continue with the remaining eleven months of this journey.

Just knowing more about me makes me feel stronger, more empowered somehow – I’m quite an indecisive person and having this new awareness about myself is helping me make better decisions. Decisions that I hope will ultimately help me feel more connected with myself, allow me to be more authentic in my connections with others and live in a more connected way.

If I can continue to learn more of that and about myself, and try to live according to my values then this will be a huge step forward in this project. But it’s also important that I start putting this knowledge into practice to see what works for me in reality and this is what I plan to do in the second month.


The Connected Outsider

I have always felt like an ‘outsider’ in life for a number of reasons, and as I’ve gotten older I’ve come to realise just how many other women feel this way. I recently turned forty which has forced me to do something about this, and my blog posts tell the story about my search for meaningful connections – not just with other people, but also with myself and even the world around me.


Go to the profile of Jenefer Thoroughgood
over 5 years ago
Good luck with your journey Connie. Really interesting reading.