Do you know how you resist your power?

On some level we all know we have an essence within us that is completely unique. You cannot be cloned or copied. So given that, why do we resist claiming our own power?

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"I know exactly what I'm doing and this is going to sound crazy but right now I'm resisting my next step like crazy."

"Tell me more" I asked intrigued by what was going on for this bright, attractive woman who's energy just leapt off the screen via the Skype video conference.

"Well I've got clients who are wanting to work with me, they're waiting for me to launch this group programme and I'm like spinning doing everything but the one thing I need to do."

"What do you need to do?" I asked.

"I need to get the offer page up, fix the price and go for it but instead I'm asking everyone else what I should do, distracting myself like crazy on anything that vaguely catches my eye and going in 101 different directions except of course the one that I need to." She replied whilst waving her arms about in frustration.

"Let's just say your business is simply a series of decisions. You make one and then another. Think about it. You've got something bubbling under the surface right now and it's holding you back. What's really going on?"

"I just keep seeing how this really could take off and then I'm thinking ahead and worrying about whether I could handle it and if I even wanted it in the first place. It's a game I'm playing and underneath it I'm thinking what changes big success might bring to my life and I'm using it as an excuse. What I really need is some accountability to hold me to putting one step forward and getting back in motion."

Resisting our power away is one of those frustrating things that we often do. We sense our brilliance and then we close it off. Our monkey mind starts throwing up doubts and pretty soon we're losing hope and stuck in a familiar cycle of procrastination.

What if we just accepted that resistance was part of growth?

If we accepted that resistance was just part of our evolvement then our job isn't to make it wrong but instead to get wildly curious about it.

What if we became detectives for our own resistance so that we could create a simple strategy for moving through it?

The temptation when we feel resistance is to push against it or to run from it. So our energy goes to the problem and we unknowingly perpetuate it.

But if we became the detectives and self empowered we'd stop trying to overcome resistance and unwittingly engage with it. Instead, we'd choose to put our energy into noticing it, experiencing it, holding it lightly and then letting it pass.

Become the detective of your own resistance

  1. Start to notice what resistance feels like in your body. Where do you feel tension? What's it like? Does it have a temperature? Metaphorically what does it feel like?
  2. Notice what triggers the resistance. What are you thinking about? What's the quality of your thoughts?
  3. Notice how that thinking makes you feel. Try and name the emotion.
  4. Name the resistance that's going on. Say something like, "Oh, I'm resisting my next step. It's just something I do and this will pass if I don't give it energy."
There's a phrase from my coach training that I will always remember which is, "What we resist persists."

In my experience if I fight the process of resistance I deny the part of me that's frightened. I act as if I can just power through without acknowledging what's really going on.

Yet when I find the courage to slow down enough to notice it, name it and normalise it as just part of the process of growing, I allow myself to experience and be with it. I stop giving my power away and the resistance naturally passes through.

So here's a challenge for you ...

For the next 48 hours get curious with what triggers resistance in you.

  • Start being playful with it and holding it lightly.
  • Practice just noticing it and simply naming it as resistance.
  • Then choose consciously to let it go by just allowing it to be present and feel how self empowering that simple act is.

Vanessa Anstee

Life Coach

I'm inspired by who you can be without apology and I want to help you let your real self shine. I've been a life coach for 10 years. I've always been a seeker trying to discover a way of being in life that feels soulful, authentic and aligned to what my heart wants not what my head thinks I should have, be or do. I spent 20+ year career in HR, OD, talent management and executive coaching. My kids were my biggest wake up. I saw the way I was working wasn't working anymore. I couldn't keep pushing myself harder. I had to accept I couldn't attain this perfected version of myself that I had strived most of my life to achieve. I had to find love not from accolades and other people's acceptance but from deep inside me. That's when I learnt to connect to my heart, heal my childhood wounds and fears of never being enough and set light to my passion in a completely new way. I want one thing for my clients. Be real. Be themselves, fall madly in love with that person and honour their soul's calling.