From side to side, inside out and round and round

Week 25-change your routine everyday for 4 days

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I am writing this blog as I sit in my car on Friday morning outside a castle waiting for a delivery of a marquee, chairs ,water etc for a huge event that we have been tasked with putting on for tomorrow. Some weeks I am based at County Hall but this week has been a jumble of different locations so it has been quite easy to take a different route to work apart from Monday when I was working from home. On Monday instead I took Ted on a different route for his walk and it was quite the little adventure, as I watched him bounce his way through the tall grass and chase a bunny into a hedge before retreating quickly backwards with fright. We met some curious cows staring at us over the fence with their soulful eyes and we dodged some showers by taking cover under the tree canopies.

On Tuesday I had to take the morning off work as I needed to take my Mam to hospital about 30 odd miles away. She needs and eye operation. At 89 she has only actually been in hospital to have her babies and is a bit suspicious of the whole place. I’m not too keen on the place either as the last two times I was there were times of loss and my head starts buzzing as I walk in the entrance. Being Mam’s eyes, ears and walking support and chauffeur for the morning helped me have less time to dwell. I know we are very lucky to have the NHS in the UK and I know the staff work REALLY hard however these places are not easy to negotiate for elderly people. Even at 8.30 am the only free car parking space was miles away and I was having to leave her alone by the door so she didn’t have to walk and then the different departments and pharmacy were miles away from each other and she was struggling to understand the Swedish Doctor, lovely as she was. I fear for us all as we get older and live longer but that's for another blog! In the spirit of this weeks experiment we took a little detour on the way home . I deviated off the main road and headed towards the village she grew up in, and as we drove through my Mam named all the farms and who lived there when she was little. I could see her starting to relax after her ‘ordeal’ and as we drove back to her house on a single track road overgrown with canopies of green, the view opened up and she exclaimed “ Isn’t it lovely here”, I was glad that I had thought to do that thanks to Wake up and that she can still see well enough to enjoy our beautiful scenery. I then had to rush off to work and felt bad that I didn’t have time to make her lunch and settle her back home. Always the guilt.

On Wednesday I had a meeting in another town and as I drove I did have time to contemplate that I do have rather a beautiful commute to work, this town in particular is located within a World Heritage Site and is an Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty… it’s just when we are on autopilot and rushing from a to b we can sometimes forget and even become accustomed to the beauty all around.

Yesterday was a normal office day….but in a slight change to the norm we were allowed time off to watch Wales ( lose) to England in the footy but back to today where I sit in a rain drenched car looking at a beautiful vista and castle…I just need to learn to appreciate everything a bit more. My sister is having chemo today for the first time and I can’t help thinking we need to enjoy our precious days as best we can. People in work are phaffing about this and that with their clipboards and I’m thinking she’s sitting there with poison running into her arm not knowing what her future holds. It’s been a funny old week and my positivity has drained a little bit and I seem to have lost my focus, and I think my emotions are a bit frayed with the move and everything. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking backwards and forwards and I am forgetting to just be. We lost a baby last year and I decided to plant a magnolia tree to remember this little lost one and , this week we replanted it in the new garden and it looks a little forlorn and a little bit like how I feel . Life would have been very different if I would have been lucky enough to have been a Mam for the second time. Its Father’s Day too and it gets you thinking if you’ve no longer got a Dad. Also it’s my son’s birthday next week and he will be 18 a man and one that I am immensely proud of, and I don’t know why but his birthday’s always make me super emotional, so as I said lots of looking backwards and forwards. This weekend I intend to be moving the last of my stuff, visiting my sister and taking some yellow roses for Dad and picking up a fantabulous cake my friend Debs has made for my boy.’ Dancing in the Moonlight ‘ by Toploader has just come on the radio and it’s a song that reminds me so much of my son as a toddler when we used to bounce up and down on the bed in time to the tune. We can’t stop time but we can try and make our days count by making sure there is just enough good stuff in there. I apologise for going off road with the journey this week next week I intend to get my positive pants back on, with a shed load of more sleep, less house and work stuff and more people stuff.

Dad in his favourite tie x

Fiona Dolben

Acupuncturist, holistic therapist, content creator., Hemp Holisitics

I'm a single parent of ONE lovely lanky teenager.. I live in deepest rural Wales . My 'proper' job is in marketing and events but I am also a trained reflexologist, masseur and reiki giver (go figure!) I also look after my Mum who is in her late 80's, my dog Ted, my cat Black and my hens and dream is to have a small holding and offer people holidays in my teepee and maybe the odd therapy as you can see I am a mass of contradictions.... I like to walk, do yoga, eat salad and visit new places but I also like to drive fast, Feast ice lollies, vodka on Friday's with friends(, which leads to dancing in my kitchen) my coffee , and staying up late... I can be outgoing but also extremely shy so like the rest of you I am still trying to figure it out one day at a time...


Go to the profile of Jacqui
over 5 years ago
Is that your dad Fi? A fine figure of a man. No wonder you have lost your grounding a little. You have faced a lot this week. You care for many and are also loved by many too. You are also a wonderful writer and I hope it brings you some clarity. Onwards we go!
Go to the profile of Mark Cuddy
over 5 years ago
Your dad looks like a man's man, it is a lovely photo and a lovely post too. Take it easy.
Go to the profile of Vanessa
over 5 years ago
Hope the event went well. So lovely to hear about your time off the beaten track with your Mam and I hope you get a chance to dance in the moonlight with your boy. Big hugs and love to you and your sister!
Go to the profile of Fiona Dolben
over 5 years ago
Hi Jacqui, my dad gone but not forgotten, thanks everyone for the support it means a lot :) its been a really difficult week or two but back on track I hope soonx
Go to the profile of Chris Baréz-Brown
over 5 years ago
Amazing post, written from the heart, thank you for that Fi. No apologies needed. You sound like you have a lot on your plate and it is important to work through our emotions. Splendid picture of your Dad. Huge loving, Chris xx