Week 21, slow walking...
This week we were encouraged to walk five times slower than we normally do.
This week has been a really over whelming one workwise, I have now been given extra responsibilities organising events and associated admin with no more hours in the week and no more pay. It’s been happening slowly over the last year, but this month it has really reached a crescendo making me feel out of my depth and unhappy about the fact I have no expertise in the area and I just don’t feel like I am doing it justice and of course there is all the normal work to do too. In order to feel like I was getting on top of it I worked ‘til half ten last night and after four hours solid this morning of editing a thirty page brochure that I only started yesterday I have finally broken the bu**ers back! So here I am having a celebratory cappuccino in a café and doing my ‘tuning into myself blog’ moment.
During this week I have had to have a good talking to myself when I could feel the shortness of breath start of a panic attack from feeling so overwhelmed by things in work. I had to remind myself – It’s only work! A young boy from the village was killed in a driving accident this week, a friend of my son's its the fourth one in the area since Christmas. Everyone was rocked by the news, his poor family. I cannot imagine their pain. Why the hell am I getting in such a state about work!? Gets things into perspective doesn't it. Everyone is fighting some battle but some much larger ones than others.
It hasn’t been a great week for taking things slowly, as I always seem to be on a schedule whether it one I set myself or one set by others. So if it’s not a meeting at the other end of the County, it’s a son who needs feeding, a dog who needs walking, a Mam who needs cherishing or a washing machine that needs emptying… same as everyone, you get the picture! I am hopeful that come September with the changes I am hoping to create I will have a little time to get creative. However I did give it a go one sunny but rainy evening, when I could of quite easily flopped down on the sofa I did take Ted out. Walking slowly. What I noticed about this experiment and a few others is that they take me back to an almost childlike state. I found myself transfixed as I watched Ted from a distance chase a Cabbage White butterfly by dancing on his hind legs like a little circus dog, then as we headed home as the sun went down without thinking I found myself collecting a posy of wild flowers from the hedgerows that line the lanes like I did for my Mam when I was walking home from school some 40 odd years ago. The flowers are still the same as they were then, so pretty, so delicate and so fleeting. It is just me who’s changed no longer innocent and waiting for life to unfurl in front of me. I put them in a jar when I got home and it’s probably the only thing I have done for myself this week apart from this cappuccino moment!
I have been thinking about the one thing that would slow me down whilst walking would be taking pictures. I used to take pictures of everything and everyone I’d love to print them out on canvasses and give them to my friends and family. Following a painful break up I just stopped as it was somehow associated with that and also I stopped listening to a lot of music that was special to me. So I intend to get my camera dusted off this weekend and make an afternoon of it and just see what I come up with, I love to play around with filters and effects and see what come out. I think the camera will help me focus and slow me down and I may even take my ipod and get that music out again. Hey, I might even do a little dancing in preparation for next week. So..Happy Friday everyone. :) I for one am glad its Friday.