On a recent walk I was reflecting on a couple of the recent coaching conversations I’d had with clients about their relationship with change.
What was it that they were resisting and making them feel concerned and worried about the changes? How come they were having such a negative reaction towards the changes?
Both clients were imagining situations about what might happen around the change and this was causing them the concern. It wasn’t the actual change it was what they thought might happen as a result of the change which they also didn’t feel they could control.
We like to control things. Yes, we do. it gives us a sense of reassurance that we know what will happen or is happening. The phrase “I’m a control freak” often said in that half joke half true way is because we like to know. If we know we know what we need to do how to manage our response to it.
So, part of the imagining things about what might happen is our way of anticipating what might happen so we can plan for it and give us a great sense of control. However, what I also know is that the brain has an amazing ability to imagine and be creative which can result in us taking leaps about what might happen. Then when challenged we have really no evidence that it might evolve like we are imagining.
In connection with our relationship with control, we can never really control the things around us, we ca only control and manage is how we respond to things. Yes, we can. We can learn how to choose our response to a situation that’s happening rather than react to it.
With change, yes think about what you can do to better prepare yourself, however, watch for the over concern and making leaps with our imagination. The most effective thing to work on is developing yourself to be more comfortable with change and accepting that like the leaves will fall from the trees in autumn the change will occur. Resistance takes huge amount of energy and often to no avail. Supporting yourself to acknowledge the change will come and it will move through you and around you and you can choose how to respond to it that better supports your wellbeing is a more supportive and kinder way of dealing with change.
Every year autumn comes, and the leaves fall and leave the tree bare until the new growth of spring and with new growth new opportunities occur, it’s exciting to see how the tree will develop and what animals and insects are attracted to it.
It is the natural cycle that things will change and yes, its uncertain what will occur, with spring brings new growth new opportunities. Nature adapts as do we when we develop and grow as things around us constantly change.
The lesson from nature I chose to take from my walk about change was that it is inevitable that things will change sometimes for the better and sometimes they bring challenges. Both bring opportunities for personal growth. The kindest way to work with change is use your energy positively, not resisting it, moving with it and managing your response to it, accepting that it will happen, living in the moment.