Expect at your peril

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We all have hopes, and we all dream. Without our aspirations, life would be dull and flat. They can lift us up and inspire us to action, they give us a direction to move towards.

The energy of expectation is very different. When we expect something, we have a sense of entitlement, we believe that what we want is our due, our right to receive.

If what we expect is not forthcoming, then we may experience disappointment. Disappointment is a message to tell us we feel let down. Sometimes, we may be quite right. If we have reasonable expectations and we are frequently let down, then perhaps there is a need to learn and to stop expecting.

Over time, at its worst, unresolved disappointment can turn to disillusionment, bitterness, resentment and rage. Then, we may get stuck in our narrative about others and their deficiencies.

If disappointment is a recurring theme for you, you may want to explore your sense of what you expect. Is your disappointment specific to one relationship? If so, can you address this beneficially? Can you change your expectations if not?

We can probably all do with holding our hopes lightly. Where you can, allow them to be preferences and desires, but don't stake your well-being on them.

If your feelings of disappointment are more general, you may want to explore this in psychotherapy. You may want to reflect on patterns in your family of origin, and your experience of asking, and reaching out in the past. It may be there are wounds that need healing to help you to hope, and not expect.


Go to the profile of Fe Robinson, Psychotherapist

Fe Robinson, Psychotherapist

Hi. I'm Fe, and I'm here to help you thrive, whatever life brings. I believe every client is unique, I work with you to help you explore, discover and grow in whatever ways are right for you. I work with a wide range of clients, both long and short term. I offer Psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and Couples Counselling to UK clients online and in Durham in North-East England. I am UKCP Accredited and an EMDR Europe Practitioner, and offer Clinical Supervision to counsellors and psychotherapists online and in person. Following a career in Organisation Development I became a therapist because it's my heart work. Before having my family and starting my private practice I worked in the NHS and mental health charities.

1 Comments

Go to the profile of Misti Bliss
Misti Bliss 8 months ago

When we are expected to do or be something, someone this can have an even more dramatic effect on us when we don't live up to that expectation. It is here that we can alter our own perception and invite others to change their language subtly. As simple as: "I am expected to be the person my dog thinks I am" to "I want to be the person my dog thinks I am."