Free falling

Week 9- Free writing- to journal every morning for four days

Go to the profile of Ffi Ffi Trixibelle
Feb 29, 2016
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I have to admit I groaned when I read this weeks experiment. Don't get me wrong I have dabbled in journal writing ever since I can remember but I am always anxious that if someone came across my inner most thoughts that they may actually think I was mad. So random are the issues that occupy my mind. It doesn't help that I had trusted in my youth to leave my diary lying around in my bedroom only to find out to my horror that my Mam had read it. I had just met my first boyfriend ( who ended up becoming my husband and father to my son) and those thoughts in there were not for the eyes of my Mam. After a massive family showdown and my three older sisters getting involved I vowed that I would never write down my inner thoughts ever again so I suppose it is understandable why I would feel slightly negative towards this experiment. Everything in life that happens to us shapes us in someway.

However after a few days of procrastination I did sit down and write and I was surprised at what came out. It started off very negatively about how I was feeling. I have a few 'bad' anniversaries in February and being the last month of winter my reserves for positivity are at an all time low so in need of vitamin D am I! I’m still not fully mobile after my accident either so that doesn’t help. However as I wrote I seemed to go through some sort of cathartic process where, after a good cry instead of telling myself to pull myself together and kick myself up the butt as I normally do I told myself it was ok to cry and feel sorry for myself – it will pass. The sun will shine again soon. My writing them became more positive about my hopes and dreams for the future. I don’t think I am the best communicator in relationships and often my silence can often be mistaken for uncaring however I do recognise this and I am trying harder to overcome my shyness and reserve to speak my mind, and ask for things and to feel confident in doing so. This weekend I asked my boyfriend to take me out on a picnic somewhere high up so I could feel the fresh air on my face and feel alive. I think the writing helped me identify what I needed to feel better. Off we went to the Berwyn mountains up above our home – it was the coldest picnic I have ever had but as we drove back down in the pick up – we pulled up to view the setting sun. It was only an hour but I felt so much better afterwards. I don’t think I have realised how much my injury has impacted on my mental well being by just not being able to escape.

I must apologise for the rambling post, but I think it’s a reflection of the exercise. When I started to type I wasn't sure where the post was leading. I was reluctant to open my Pandora’s box of thoughts but after reading others blogs this week I have realised we are all the same deep down, we are all anxious, we all need love, we are all massively complicated human beings and we all grow every day with each new experience and we are all just trying our best every day. Some days are good, some days are bad and we shouldn’t beat ourselves up if not every day is amazing we can only try our best to be strong, courageous and kind whatever the day throws at us.

Ted enjoying the sunset too

Go to the profile of Ffi Ffi Trixibelle

Ffi Ffi Trixibelle

I'm a single parent of ONE lovely lanky teenager.. I live in deepest rural Wales . My 'proper' job is in marketing and events but I am also a trained reflexologist, masseur and reiki giver (go figure!) I also look after my Mum who is in her late 80's, my dog Ted, my cat Black and my hens and goldfish...my dream is to have a small holding and offer people holidays in my teepee and maybe the odd therapy ....so as you can see I am a mass of contradictions.... I like to walk, do yoga, eat salad and visit new places but I also like to drive fast, Feast ice lollies, vodka on Friday's with friends(, which leads to dancing in my kitchen) my coffee , and staying up late... I can be outgoing but also extremely shy so like the rest of you I am still trying to figure it out one day at a time...

2 Comments

Go to the profile of Mark Cuddy
Mark Cuddy over 2 years ago

I love the way you communicate. Reading your blogs makes me think I've met you before. I know I haven't but I must have met someone like you. I love your honesty and how you allow the other bloggers into your world. It's great. What you said about your diary brought back a horror moment when I was a young teenage boy when my dad stumbled across something in my bedroom that wasn't for his eyes either. I still get red faced thinking about it. Actually it makes me laugh now thinking about it. Have a large laugh on me. Life's wonderful and full of belly laughs. Take it easy.

Go to the profile of Ffi Ffi Trixibelle
Ffi Ffi Trixibelle over 2 years ago

Ha, maybe we have Mark? I can only write from the heart because that's the only way I know. Thank you :)