Why Confidence Isn't A Lucky Lottery And How To Up Yours

​Have you ever wondered why some people are so effortlessly confident? You know those people who seem to breeze through life all “lah-di -dah, I know what to say and when”, the ones who smile and laugh a lot and own the room with their presence? Do you ever catch yourself being envious of those people or saying “That will never be me”? If so...

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It’s ok though, don’t worry, we’ve all been there. It’s actually awesome to admire the qualities in others that we want for ourselves. However, thinking something will never be you, means it will never be you. This is possibly the most limiting statement we can believe to be true. In this blog, I explode this limitation so that you can use your own confidence to get more of what you want from life.

The secret is, there’s no lucky dip with the confidence lottery. It isn’t something some people are born with and others without. We’re all born with confidence, it just depends on how willing you are use it. Any unwillingness to use it comes from a fear of failure. I’m going to tell you how to bypass the fear so that you can appear confident to the people that matter.

Here’s the truth bomb, you can’t BE a confident or unconfident person, it is not who you are, it’s a feeling that occurs for us depending on the situation we face. How confident we appear to be depends on how much confidence we choose to use in that moment. Labelling yourself as an unconfident person is what happens when people don’t realise they were born with an abundance of confidence. If you don’t know you have something you don’t use it right? And how confident you are in any moment is not a judgement you can make of yourself. This is only a judgement others can make of you. People cannot read your mind, if you don’t feel confident but display confident behaviours, they can only judge you on what you say and do. We never really know what is going on in people’s heads. I’ve worked with CEOs who whilst appearing to be confident have told me they feel unconfident on a daily basis but dig deep for confidence so they can fulfil their role as a CEO. This is what’s got them to the top.

The knock on effect of appearing confident and people judging you as so, is that they then respond to you as a confident person. So things start to happen like, you get the pay rise or the promotion you wanted, the date you were hoping for or included in more social activities. What happens when we start to experience these changes in our lives is our truth about ourselves changes. We stop believing we are an unconfident person and the things that happen to confident people start happening to us.

So quit trying to tell yourself to be a more confident person. Remember, this is really hard because you can’t be a confident or unconfident person, it’s just a choice you make as to how much confidence you use in any moment. The easiest way to do it is to use the confidence that lives within you to display more confident behaviours like smiling more, speaking up, standing up straight and using eye contact. Observe others that you think are confident, what do they do? Remember, people can’t read your mind, do you really know what is going on in that person’s head? Just like the CEOs who appear confident when they are not, use your available confidence to get to the top.

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Lydia Kimmerling

Life Coach, Spiritual Teacher, Speaker, The Happiness Explorer

Hey, I'm Lydia Kimmerling I am MAD, CRAZY, PASSIONATE about helping you to create a life you're super excited to wake up to. Being happy...ish, inspired...ish and fulfilled...ish is never quite enough, is it? When you feel like there is "more" out there for you, it's because there is. A life where you can't remember the last time you worried, stressed or doubted yourself and your friends ask you "What's your secret?" because you GLOW, SPARKLE and SHINE. That can be you and I will show you how. I got my first television job at 17, ran my own restaurant in Panama at 22, taught Hip Hop in Cornwall at 26, was cabin crew for Virgin Atlantic at 28, coached CEO's on confidence at 29, then at 30 took the leap as a certified life & business coach with The International Coaching Federation to launch my very own transformational company called The Happiness Explorer. I am a master of change, so I can tell you that there is NEVER really anything to fear, but has it always been easy? NO! I have blocks, down days and self-doubt too, life doesn't stop throwing you curve balls, it's how you catch the ball and throw it back that changes. Plus, you never know until you try, right? At 32, I now know what the key is to waking up every single day excited about the life you live. It is to know yourself inside and out and to love every part of who you are.The more you know yourself, the more of you there is to love and the more you love yourself, the more you want to give yourself a life you love. The question is…What do you really want?