5 Ways for Sensitives to Manage Time with Energy Vampires
You know those people you say goodbye to and you actually feel a little spent from the experience? Yep.
I had a friend who would sometimes get into such a dark space that I would spend hours messaging and on the phone to her, talking her down from the ledge - sometimes metaphorically and sadly, on occasion in actuality. I would come away from the conversations exhausted, completely drained and in reality? My friend would be no further on in resolving this long-term inner conflict within herself.
There were a few things going on here that were perpetuating that situation. Some that served her needs and some that served mine. In my experience there’s always a little co-dependency in scenarios like this, from both parties. They might be someone that’s in a darker space than you and they’re understandably drawn to your light. And your radiance, is drawn to help bring them into the light.
None of this means that you need to shed this person as a friend but for me, it was important that I recognised what it was that I really wanted from that friendship. To ensure that I was honouring and respecting myself just as much as I was them, in the time and space I choose to share with them. But if you’re feeling uncomfortable about maintaining a friendship that makes you feel like this, here are a handful of things you can do to help resolve not their pain, but your own. And work out whether they’re someone you want to keep in your life or not.
RELEASE THE PERSON
Forgiveness is the highest form of love. Honour their pain but know that you do not need to feel it for them. You also don’t need to be a sponge for their energy when you’re around them so prep yourself when you know you’re going to see or speak to them. Set boundaries on time spent and also a positive intention around what you hope to experience when hanging out with them. If you’re in to all things woo woo, you can also, surround yourself in white light before any meet ups or phonecalls!
RECOGNISE YOURSELF IN THEM
What do you see in that person that you dare not look at within yourself? There was someone in my life that I could not stand until I was struck with an almighty revelation whilst waiting in line at the supermarket, that this person was simply a constant reminder of my 14 year old self - desperately sad, lonely and isolated. Did I want to look at that and be reminded of that period in my life now that I’d become Miss Positivity? Hell no! But then I begged the question - when I was in that space, how did I want to be treated? With understanding, with compassion, with love. And in an INSTANT, my relationship with that person transformed and has never looked back. We are all a reflection of one another. No one person better than the other.
RELEASE YOURSELF FROM THE SITUATION
You are not responsible for another person’s happiness. You are not here to save them from themselves. As Gabby Bernstein brilliantly says “Do not deprive another person of hitting their rock bottom”. My rock bottoms have been excruciating but I would never take them away because they have been the making of me. We are all on our own journeys. And when you hit the floor the only way is up. The most powerful thing you can do for your friend is let them find their own way even if it’s to their knees.
WHY ARE THEY SHOWING UP FOR YOU?
Whether someone’s come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime (thank you Iyanla Vanzant) take responsibility for their presence and look at the relationship from every possible angle. Whenever I am in conflict with someone, however big or small I ask myself these questions: what will you have me learn? What wound will you have me heal?
NOTICE IF THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE LIKE THIS IN YOUR LIFE
Is this a tendency of yours? It’s definitely mine. Like attracts like. And until you make a conscious choice to choose differently, it’s likely these people will keep showing up in your life. If you don’t want to always be the shoulder to cry on look at why they’re showing up for you and make sure you dig deep - heal that wound and learn that lesson!
It might not even be that you’re experiencing anything particularly dramatic within some of these friendships. You might just be feeling sensitive to someone who’s incredibly negative all the time. Or get a bad feeling or like you overshared when you say goodbye. In those instances I personally have to recognise that we are just beginning to vibe on different freequencies and it’s probably time to honour the fact that we’re evolving in different directions - and that that’s ok! It’s also important to recognise what you see in the other person that you want to celebrate within yourself because if that outweighs the heaviness of what you experience when you hang out with them, then just get super clear on your boundaries and strike a balance.
Your light can only be as bright as much as the time spent filling it up and allowing it to shine.
To health, vibrancy and happiness in your friendships.
Only love, Sian xxx