Free writing and black rubber

Morning thoughts on another ‘wake up’ challenge

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Week nines ‘wake up’ was to write whatever comes into our head every morning in a free-style journaling way. The idea excited me because I’d never done anything like this before and I had to wonder what lurked in the dark corners of my morning mind. This is what I found…

The first three days were very interesting and in many ways my thought process was similar. The connections I found through my scribblings seemed to include my first words being all downbeat. Words like ‘unsure’ and ‘free fall’. On one of the days I even scribbled the opening lines to the beautiful but haunting Nick Drake song “Black Eyed Dog”. I love Nick Drake and I love this song. It is tender and beautiful but also downbeat. The strange thing was all my final words that were scribbled down were on an upbeat note. Words like ‘courageous’ and ‘living’ and also the song “Wishing on a star” sung by Paul Weller (in my head - who else).

This led me on to believe that although my initial words were somewhat despondent they finished on a high note of hope which showed me I was just waking and shaking the negative energy of any dreams and previous ‘moments’ out of my system to face the new day ahead, starting the day afresh and positive. This reinforced my belief that essentially I’m a positive person who CAN shake off feelings of gloominess, a person who searches for hope and tries to conquer any feelings of bad-will conjured by insecurities and old demons.

So what about Day Four you may ask. Well day four was very different to the first three days because events in the wee still hours disrupted my thought process for the following morning. This was thanks to Bobby waking me up at 2am by his choking and then throwing up of bile with bits of black rubber in it. As I cleaned it up I knew exactly what the black rubber was.

He waited half an hour before performing the same trick which led me to take him into the living room to be nearer the kitchen for easy access to cleaning cloths. I knew what was coming and then he decided to continue his magic trick of producing lumps of black rubber in short spells right through till 8am.

So what was the black rubber you may ask? Answer; the sole of one of my walking boots! Basically on Sunday night I popped down to the gym for a thirty minute calorie burn and when I returned I noticed he had stripped the sole of a walking boot making it look like the sole was never there in the first place. It was a work of genius. Will we have to go to the vets over this? Probably but that’s the thing with Labradors they’ll eat anything if they fancy it!

It was no surprise on Tuesday morning when my morning scribblings were concerned with a sleepless night on the sofa and getting up often to clean up bile and rubber. Cheers Bobby – tell me again why do I love you so much?

Apart from day four this challenge has filled me with more hope that I’m getting to a better place of understanding the person I am and the direction I need to follow. It all felt super chilled (well the first three days and not the worry on day four of maybe having to take Bobby to the vets if he continues to chuck up black rubber – I didn’t realise how much rubber went into making one of these soles). I also felt open about what was in my mind which in turn made me see myself in a different light. I found it exciting and interesting. I have always thought I was a positive person in the morning and in some ways the experiment reinforced this view.

What would old Sigmund have made of it? Probably something rude (naughty old Sigmund)!

Mark Cuddy

Someone who learned to wake up


Go to the profile of Chris Baréz-Brown
almost 6 years ago
Great work Mark, keep it going. Big Love C x