5 factors that stop us changing
So, what are the most common fears we might have about change, whether it is changing a habit, changing career, a new relationship, moving to a new house or for children perhaps, moving school? Written by Ollie Coach, Belinda Wells.
We often find it difficult to break old habits and embrace change. We procrastinate. Perhaps because deep down, we’re scared to take the plunge, even with the promise of better health or a better life. There may be several reasons for this, but it is usually because we are fearful of something!
The 5 Fear Factors
Fear of Failure
People sometimes feel that they will fail when starting something new, worry that the effort will be a waste time as they won’t accomplish anything or that they will be making a mistake.
And because they are afraid of failure or mistakes they don’t try. But this fear is not rational.
How do you know you will fail? None of us can predict outcomes! We can try…..
We may be right. We may be wrong. But more often than not something completely different happens!
There is no Failure only Feedback! It is all learning if we choose to evaluate it. This is something all Ollie Coaches believe.
Fear of Criticism
Most of us would admit that we hate being criticised. We are sometimes afraid of what others think, so this means we’d rather not try, in order to avoid the criticism or being judged. We might take criticism personally rather that use it as a constructive learning tool. Failure or Feedback? Failure is a negative interpretation and holds us back from change. Feedback is positive way of viewing things and can help us to continue forward with renewed ideas and confidence. If we choose to see it that way.
Fear of Pain or Effort
Yes, if it is weight loss, exercise, giving up smoking or the like, then there may be pain and there will be effort. But remember that reason “WHY”? This is where it is really important. Our ‘reason why’ is what will keep us going when times get tough. Fear of discomfort, pain or effort all stop us from changing.
These fears prevent us from exercising, as it may hurt, from eating healthy, from changing career or starting our own business, from embarking on a new relationship, or leaving behind an old or negative one. These fears stop us from progressing, keeping us within our comfort zone, but not allowing us to flourish and grow.
Fear of something New
People can be afraid of anything that’s new or different. It can be incredibly debilitating fear.
We may need to feel like something is constant in our life, it makes us feel safe and secure, that we have control or just feel comfortable in our own surroundings or in a daily routine. But it is easy to become stuck in a rut and it can have a huge impact on the way a person lives their life. It holds us back from doing things that we would probably really enjoy - if we only tried them. Once they are tried, they are no longer new!
Fear of Success
Deep down this can sometimes be quite a big fear factor. Some people may not believe that they are worthy of success. Some fear being in the limelight, being paid more attention as the result of success, or are concerned about feeling under pressure. Some experience Imposter Syndrome. Lack of self-confidence, or self-doubt. Success often means change, so once again it’s often a fear of some sort of change in lifestyle or change in feelings.
To many people all these fears are real and can be divisive and impactful. But they can all be overcome.
Fear is a mental and emotional process and to overcome it you need to look inside yourself. Firstly, find out what your fear is or what your fears are if you have more than one. Then acknowledge your fears and work towards eliminating them, one by one.
Yes, it can be hard, but it’s not impossible. In fact, it is completely possible! You already have everything you need within you to enable you to do this. Trust me! I know! Although, if you are like I was, you may need some help to know where to look. And that’s ok!
From time to time I have suffered from all 5 of the fears above, I’m sure we all have. As I’m writing I sometime feel a sense of Imposter Syndrome! A fear of failing, in someone’s eyes! Who on earth would really want to read this? Who do I think I am?!
But by taking small steps, tracking my progress and keeping going I do manage to overcome all my fears. It is how I got through 2 major illnesses; one lengthy and life threatening. It is how I cope with life and all the challenges it throws at me. It is how I move forward and keep positive about everything I do.
And I know even if you are like me and you have had similar fears from time to time, or if you are fearful of change in some way, that you can overcome these fears too.
We all have those little ‘gremlins’ sitting on our shoulder from time to time; that inner voice that makes us anxious or doubts us, sapping our confidence; those ‘waifs’ that are our limiting beliefs holding us back. But they are just that! They do not define us. They just join us from time to time, but we can control them if we know how.
In order to grow and progress as people all we need is to find a way to overcome the fears that hamper our efforts to change and believe that we can do it. “If you believe you can, you will.” I can’t remember who said that now. But it is true!
And although facing our fears and challenges is not about ‘wishing’ …. I do love this quote!
“Don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better. Don’t wish for less problems, wish for more skills. Don’t wish for less challenge, wish for more wisdom.” Jim Rohn
Find whatever it is you need to make yourself the best you can be. Work towards the change that will mean you have the tools and skills to solve your problems and the wisdom to overcome whatever challenges you may face. Seek help if you need to. And remember it is ok to ask for help, it is ok to find a therapist or coach to support and guide you. I did! It is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength.
Change will happen, whether we want it or not, so embrace change and see what new and exciting things life can bring. Change will happen when the pain of staying the same becomes too much!
Belinda Wells, Ollie Coach
Belinda is an Ollie Coach and Foster Carer. Previously a Primary School Teacher, she now has over 20 years’ experience working with children. Her interests are psychology, how we think and why we behave as we do, and she loves learning and writing. Belinda enjoys seeing the difference her work as an Ollie Coach can make to the children and families she works with.
To get in contact with Belinda email Belinda.firstname.lastname@example.org
To find out more about Ollie and his Super Powers and how to become an Ollie Coach go to https://www.ollieandhissuperpowers.com/pages/about-us