Slave to the Rhythm
Week 7 This week’s challenge was tuning in to our own physical needs.
Normally I would have thrown my arms in the air and thought ‘ha’ if only! My needs are usually somewhere at the bottom of the needs of my loved ones. However the timing of this challenge was perfect for me. After an ever so busy January we’d booked a ‘reconnecting’ weekend. I’d booked a lovely hotel with a spa so I thought it would be perfect for sleeping when I wanted to, eating when I wanted to and just tuning in to a bit of pleasure. Be that a swim, a proper coffee or a glass of wine in the afternoon. I don’t think any of us realise how much we do in a day and how busy our lives are- either because we have to be or because we choose it. Not until we stop that is. I must admit I am not the greatest person for listening to my own body. I can think of numerous times when I won’t give in to the tiredness when I push myself to get all I need doing done before I fall into bed. Sometimes I skip meals and sometimes I eat the wrong things. I’m also afraid that if I stop I won’t be able to start again as this has happened to me before however weekend breaks are a change from the ordinary and can be busy in themselves but busy doing nice things.
Saturday started well. Albeit and early dash to the airport so no listening to my body at that point however I knew I had four days of mainly pleasing myself to recover. We relaxed, we walked, we drank, we talked, and we planned things for the next day. I felt happy.
I got up at some point in the early hours of our first night there to use the bathroom and fell over a very well stuffed scatter cushion – my foot went one way and my leg went the other. I heard something tear and I felt sick with the pain. My finance is always teasing me about my love of cushions on beds –‘‘what are they for?’’, he asks, as he lobs them across the room as we get into bed. Now I concede he may have a point. Ambushing people in the middle of the night is what they are for! Three hours in a and e after a plane ride home deducted no breaks just a very bad sprain. As I was lifted into the plane it also made me realise that this is reality for a lot of people all of the time . As I sat there I felt invisible and as an airport security pushed me into a corner and left me there it also made me feel vulnerable and irrelevant. One small moment could change our perception of ourselves and how others see us forever. Luckily this is not permanent for me but for many people it is a daily reality. I thought I could imagine how wheelchair users felt, I did not have a clue. Another steep learning curve for me.
A week in and I am still having difficulty getting about, so I have had no choice but to listen to my body, the pain when I move my ankle, the slowness of moving around. I’ve slept a great deal more, moving around is so much more tiring. I’ve cried a bit, feeling sorry for myself. Everything is just a little bit more difficult. I think I wrote last week that I would love to have time to read a book with nothing else calling on my time. I can’t get into my book, it cannot hold my attention. Be careful what you wish for as they say. I would do anything to go for a long walk in the woods, to go for a drive, to visit a friend. I feel stuck. I have realised I like looking after people and that I get something out of it too, it gives me pleasure to cook and keep my house clean and to get out in the fresh air and not have to depend on anyone else.
So this week i have learnt if I lose the momentum I lose myself, so for me it is better to keep going.