Why grieving is essential

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When someone we love dies, it is hard for us. It is hard not only because we have lost them, but also because this loss brings with it a significant number of practical things that need to be done. Death certificates, funeral arrangements, wills and estates, there are many administrative tasks, not to mention the central role of caring for anyone who was dependent on our loved one, bereaved parents or children for example.

It is easy for the experience of loss to get swept under the carpet amidst the many things that need to be done.  It may be a way of surviving, to squish down what is felt so that we can focus on the jobs in hand.

In the short term, no harm will be done. However, finding times and places to allow our pain to be present, to deeply feel our own feelings is crucial. If we do not grieve, we become stuck. It may be hard to feel fully alive ourselves if we do not allow our sadness and pain to be felt and so to flow out of us.

If you love, then loss is a difficult and painful thing. Death has a finality that we cannot escape. Ultimately our only option is to be with this, to make space for it and to find a way to begin to relate symbolically with our loved one now they are no longer with us.

If you have recently lost someone you love, my thoughts are with you. I hope you can also be with yourself, with tenderness and love, and allow yourself to approach the inevitable pain of your experience. This too shall pass, in a back and forth of emotions, not a linear improvement over time.  Grief resolves in its own time and way, but only when you connect to it and allow it to pass through you.

Go to the profile of Fe Robinson, Psychotherapist

Fe Robinson, Psychotherapist

I am here to help you thrive, whatever life brings. I offer Psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and Couples Counselling to clients based in Durham. I am UKCP Accredited and an EMDR Europe Practitioner, and offer Clinical Supervision to counsellors and psychotherapists locally. I have worked in private practice, the NHS, and in charitable organisations, with a wide range of clients and conditions.


Go to the profile of Helen Ferguson
Helen Ferguson about 1 year ago

Thank you Fe for this article. I was just having my own moment in the peace and quiet and safety of my home. I lost my mum in March as she took her own life. Although I am in the very early stages of grief at the moment, I do find myself overwhelmed with the finality of it and also dealing with the estate. Combating all sorts of emotions at once whilst trying to keep day to day life afloat. 

This article came at a perfect time for me. 

Thank you.