Do you want your relationships to feel real?

Like Comment

Most people were brought up to have good manners.  We learned to be polite.  To say the expected things, at the expected times.  In social situations, with acquaintances, this works well.  We need social grace, it makes lives more pleasant.

In our intimate relationships however, the gold standard is not politeness.  Our partner relationships, our family relationships, and our close friendships are places where we are called to give more of ourselves, and to ask more of others.  Politeness is relating at a distance.  When we stick with what is expected, and stay in the surface level dance, the moves may be well practiced, but they can lack meaning.  We reveal little, and learn less.

If you want to be in a real, meaningful relationship, then you need to be real, and honest, to say what it is you really mean.  You need to dare to be seen, just as you are.  You will need to take risks. You may find yourself being vulnerable, or clumsy, or sharing truths that you know will hurt.  Relationship is about an ongoing process of rupture, and repair.  It’s about daring to be authentic, to be in contact, to see and be seen. 

If relationships like this are a challenge for you, psychotherapy may be a useful way forward.  Working in a therapeutic relationship to experience the intimacy of being met psychologically, we can internalise how this feels, and begin to take risks and explore what it is like to truly be who we are.  This can then transfer out into everyday life, and we can live more fully.

If you find yourself in relationships that lack heart, or feel soulless, then couples psychotherapy may be a consideration.  Finding ways to be together more deeply can be transformative, uncomfortable as it is along the way.

We are social animals. In our early days we grow and learn in relationship with our carers.  Our needs for contact change, but do not lessen, as we mature.  In relationship we can discover more of who we are.  You up for it?  Then get in touch.

Fe Robinson, Psychotherapist

Hi. I'm Fe, and I'm here to help you thrive, whatever life brings. I believe every client is unique, I work with you to help you explore, discover and grow in whatever ways are right for you. I work with a wide range of clients, both long and short term. I offer Psychotherapy, EMDR therapy and Couples Counselling to UK clients online and in Durham in North-East England. I am UKCP Accredited and an EMDR Europe Practitioner, and offer Clinical Supervision to counsellors and psychotherapists online and in person. Following a career in Organisation Development I became a therapist because it's my heart work. Before having my family and starting my private practice I worked in the NHS and mental health charities.

No comments yet.