Feeling like a Fraud.

Hands up, I confess. I’ve never needed to see a therapist, or a counsellor, so why am I reading Psychologies Magazine?

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There is a single simple answer to this question, and I will get to that, but if you don’t know me already, I like to write rather lengthy blogs for life labs. I like to natter. If you want to speed up the process, skip to the end, scroll to the bottom.

I’d written a prompt to myself for this blog. I was going to let the team know all about a great year of self-improvement in 2018; I’d attended a couple of training courses, and applied for over forty jobs, and I’d decided I didn’t want to be a therapist, a coach, or a teacher. I dropped a line to Suzy Walker and she replied,

    “At least you know what you don’t want!”

This was just the tonic I needed. I’d been so driven into challenging the things in life that I don’t have an enthusiasm for, I wasn’t channelling my motivations and energies fully enough into the hobbies and the interests that absolutely enthuse and fascinate me.

My focus for 2019 is to truly stop, look and listen, then decide what I want.

I mentioned last year that it had taken me three years to write a collection of poetry? Why did it take me three years? Because I was often distracted. I wasn’t only writing one collection of poetry. I was often questioning what I don’t want, and I didn’t believe I could write, edit and publish a book all by myself. I was wrong. I am glad I was wrong.

I’ve been publishing my work as eBooks since 2016 and now I have levelled up and intend to turn my writing into paperback. Who am I doing this for?

Is it for an applause? No.

Is it for attention? No

Is it for money? Hopefully not as I’ve only earned 38p in three years.

It’s to produce the evidence to myself, that I can.

For me the Psychologies Magazine has subjectively in recent years helped me to continue to hold myself accountable, even through a few tricky times of terrible self-doubt. The process of learning was taking so long, my self-belief critic had begun to falter. I needed a little encouragement and Psychologies Magazine appeared, today I would call this experience, a sign. 

Did you know that thoughts can become things? I'm still writing. 

Or the short and simple answer:

Feeling a fraud is a passing phase, it’s a phase of learning, and just because I don’t think I need or want, doesn’t mean there isn’t always something to learn from reading the experiences of others. 

Huge apologies for the swiftness of this post, but I've currently set myself an editing deadline and have eighty pages to re-edit today. I set goals, hold myself accountable and next time I will be reviewing a few recent successes. Hopefully the book I am presently editing will be an eBook by then. Watch this space.

Julie Spencer

Cover Supervisor and Creative Writer

Proud to be an Ambassador for Psychologies Magazine. I value kindness, compassion, professionalism and integrity. I recently spent 3 years writing in solitude in an attempt to find my inner-poet. Did I succeed? After reading a book that suggested I acknowledge my fears and challenge them anyway. I accepted the challenge and choose to journal and publish my findings here.

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