What’s Really Stopping You From Falling in Love? The “Cabbage Theory”

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In my last blog post, I talked about the vicious circle of love for successful business women - where it comes from, why you are stuck in it and why it is holding you back from living the life you want with the man of your dreams by your side.

Today, the topic of conversation is still very much about this vicious circle of love, but I am going to talk to you more about the consequences of being stuck in it; and this is where my cabbage theory comes in.

The long-term effects of the vicious love circle

If you’re an incredibly hard-working and successful business lady, then for the past however many years, your career has been your main focus. I’ve already explained how this can lead to a ‘success’ mindset that doesn’t work with love and ends in failed relationships, disheartened dates and attracting the wrong men. But today, I want to dive deeper into the long-term effects of this circle.

This circle can manifest itself in lots of different ways, but there is one thing for sure; the success energy you project only attracts the wrong men for you. Whether you fall into a string of relationships and end them once you know they aren’t working, or you persevere for some time regardless of how miserable it is making you, the result is always the same… You feel disappointed by love, you lose faith in relationships and you question whether you’ll ever be truly happy and in love.

Love Blocks

All this disappointment leads you to close off from your feelings and push the reality of the situation further away. You stop letting love in and distract yourself with your work, always filling your days, regardless of whether its the weekend, with meetings, social occasions and planned stuff to do.

Plus, you’re also scared of your real emotions and the possibility of being hurt. You’ve already invested energy in relationships that didn’t work out and you don’t feel in control of your love life. For a driven and successful career woman (who thrives off plans and routines) letting go can be one of the scariest things to do. But it is part and parcel of truly falling in love.

That’s why you focus all your energy on being even more successful in your career - it’s something you’re good at, you can set and achieve certain goals and you feel comfortable and in control there. But that is how love blocks form. You get busier and work harder than ever before - which suppresses your real emotions - and on the circle goes, getting thicker and harder to break the more disappointment and love blocks you form.

And that’s where my cabbage theory comes in.

The Cabbage Theory

Think of these love blocks like layers of a cabbage. Formed from your negative experiences with love, they can be self-doubting beliefs, trust issues or fears about getting hurt again, all based on disappointment and relationships that didn’t work out. You build these layers like your protective armour, there to shield you from any further pain or embarrassment. Sure, it’s completely natural to have your guard up sometimes, but as a successful business woman, you take it to the extreme and the more you throw yourself into your work, the more you close off to the world and the possibility of a happy and loving relationship.

That is because these blocks not only stop you from ever breaking free from this vicious circle of love, they also push you further away from your true self. The more you ignore dealing with them, the more they build up.

Just think about it; you run away from your disappointing love life by throwing yourself into work, but at some point, that too becomes unsatisfying, so you try again. But because you never dealt with what happened before, it’s the same old story, and so the layers of the cabbage build.

The result

As the layers increase, the cabbage gets bigger and thicker, and it’s centre - which is the real YOU - gets further and further away from the outside, which is the layer you show to the world. Because you’re so involved in what is going on around you and being successful at your job, your attention lies at the edge of this huge cabbage and your true self is trapped far away in the centre.

The more love blocks you form and layers you create, the further away you travel from the soul and spirit of you, and the harder it is to get back to who you truly are. Peeling back the layers is the solution to breaking the vicious circle of love you are stuck in, but where do you even start?

That’s what I’ll be addressing in my next blog posts, which share 3 steps to shedding your cabbage layers and breaking the vicious circle of love.


Irina Sanchez de Lozada

Founder, Success From Within Ltd.

Irina Sanchez de Lozada is the CEO and Founder of Success From Within Ltd, Career Growth Strategist and Coach for ambitious corporate professionals. Irina’s mission is to help them strategize their next career move that will give them more money, more joy and more fulfilment. Irina’s signature Aligned Career Mastery™ System (ACM) has helped hundreds of ambitious professionals around the world get clarity about their next career move and transition into the chosen role with confidence and ease.