Share the love (2)

A softer approach.

Go to the profile of Vicki
Jan 05, 2016
4
2

Following on from the near disaster of my first attempt, I have decided that I am just not ready for the face-to-face approach. Although the process I am going through is important in terms of connecting to those around me and to myself, the primary focus during the telling, should be the other person and the many reasons why you love and admire them. This bit is about them, not me, and therefore should not be overshadowed by the numerous hang-ups I have in expressing myself.

So… for the next two, I decided everyone would be better served if I were to write it all down and email it instead.

This approach proved to be a lot more cathartic. With the distance and therefore the illusion of safety it brings, I was able to put on paper things I would never have dared say out loud. Why? Not because I am ashamed of what I feel but because I am fearful of how those thoughts and feelings may be received. Maybe I will be laughed at, maybe it’s not welcome and they don’t want to or are not ready to hear it. Maybe they really, just don’t care about what I think or feel.

With the letter written all that was left was to push the send button, which I eventually did with a great deal of apprehension. Once sent, I spent the rest of the day in a state of heightened anxiety. Would it be read? Would it be accepted in the spirit in which it was sent? Would it bring us closer together or in our combined emotional discomfort, push us further apart? Did I do the right thing in upsetting the status quo?

Thankfully, and is usually the case in these situations, the world has not ended. The letters were welcomed and I am honestly taken aback that from something, seeming so simple as telling someone why you love them, conversations previously deemed impossible have been started and efforts are being made to change.

Overall I’m feeling pretty happy and positive with the opportunities this exercise is helping to open up.

Vicki

Go to the profile of Vicki

Vicki

I currently live in London but having been born in Canada, lived in Nigeria until my early teens and schooled in Scotland, if you ask me where I am from, I will struggle for a quick answer. I am an excellent self-saboteur and use humour and a practiced laissez-faire attitude as a shield to having to address difficult situations properly. The ‘Great Wake Up’ is me, finally trying to step clear of my overdeveloped protective mechanisms, and to start to interact as closely and honestly to life around me and enjoy myself whilst doing so.

2 Comments

Go to the profile of Ellen Rowlands
Ellen Rowlands almost 3 years ago

Well done Vicki. Whilst I'm very open towards my partner, I also struggle to share things like this with my family, so will give this approach a try. :)

Go to the profile of Vicki
Vicki almost 3 years ago

Thanks Ellen, I think the distance really helped me. After all what's most important is what you are saying not how it gets said. Best of luck.