Where Do You Belong?

For many years I had a niggling feeling that I needed to be somewhere else – I just couldn't work out where that elusive place was. I felt frustrated and a bit dizzy trying to figure it out. I knew that if only I could find out where I 'belonged' I'd feel happier, more complete, at peace and I'd be enjoying a vibrant circle of loving friends, and I'd never feel emotionally isolated again. I've moved around a bit over the years, but never found the place I'd been searching for – and yet I still yearned for it. That Utopian place that would be the 'cherry on top' of the cake of my life.

Go to the profile of Maxine Harley
Dec 28, 2015
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For many years I had a niggling feeling that I needed to be somewhere else – I just couldn't work out where that elusive place was.

I felt frustrated and a bit dizzy trying to figure it out.

I knew that if only I could find out where I 'belonged' I'd feel happier, more complete, at peace and I'd be enjoying a vibrant circle of loving friends, and I'd never feel emotionally isolated again.

I've moved around a bit over the years, but never found the place I'd been searching for – and yet I still yearned for it. That Utopian place that would be the 'cherry on top' of the cake of my life.


According to Abraham Maslow (1/04/08-08/06/70) and his famous Hierarchy Of Needs our need for and inner sense of belonging is at the third of five escalating levels.

It comes after having satisfied our first basic physiological needs for shelter, food, sex, breathing, sleep, and having balance in our body systems.

It also comes after the second level of our need for physical safety and security, and to have sufficient financial resources.

However, our need for a sense of belonging comes before our need for self-esteem, confidence and with being in touch with the higher values and experiences of life and the spiritual realm.

We can access the higher levels of the Maslow 'pyramid' relating to self-actualisation and spirituality - but without having the preceding levels in place we will be on shaky ground.


So where IS our place of belonging and how do we get there?

I think I've finally realised the answer...it's inside our own mind!


In life these days it seems that many people believe that they need lots of 'things' in place before they feel happy, and be where they belong. In fact no 'thing' works for very long.

We need to feel and accept that we belong right where we are at this moment.

Wherever we are we face the same challenges and opportunities. These are:-

  • Facing the struggles and learning from them.
  • Accepting the feelings and managing them.
  • Tolerating the uncertainty and having faith that all will be well.
  • Trusting in ourselves to remain resilient in the face of trauma.
  • Creating and holding our boundaries.
  • Sharing our values and beliefs and respecting those of others.
  • Creating and nurturing emotional connections and physical intimacy.
  • Enjoying the opportunity to be on the ride of life without knowing the destination.


How to find your own place of belonging:

  • Imagine yourself as a child – and connect with the sense of being that child. Feel how they felt about their life back then, and how much they felt as if they belonged where they were, or otherwise.
  • Write a note from your inner child to the grown up you – and include what they need from you to feel that they belong in the world, with you, right now. (Use your non-dominant hand and a big bulky pencil or crayon for your inner child to write with.) You will then find out what has been getting in the way of them feeling that they/you can really belong somewhere.
  • Commit to 're-parenting' your inner child and ensure that you are always connected with one another - and that they always have that warm fuzzy feeling of belonging with you – here, now and always. Promise to do your best to make them feel a deep sense of belonging in the world too.
  • Seek out environments which lift your spirits and energise you – and don't forget to enjoy sharing these with your inner child too!

You can stop searching for what you already have.

You belong with your inner child and they belong with you.

You belong in a happy state of mind – in spite of your outer environment – and you can create that state of contentment, happiness, gratitude and joy in each moment.


Maxine Harley (MSc Psychotherapy) MIND HEALER & MENTOR

www.maxineharley.com – where you'll find a full page of FREE RESOURCES to help you to understand the effects of your childhood emotions, and how they still impact your life; and how to S.E.L.E.C.T. Your Life – with Self-awareness – Education – Learning new skills – Emotional intelligence and balance – Control, clarity and choice – TRANSFORMATION!

You will also find 5 self-help online courses - to improve your relationship with yourself and your past, with your partner/spouse, your children, and in your work/business life

www.maxineharleymentoring.com - helping women to understand and manager their emotions, boundaries and behaviours - and to FEEL better, so they can BE, DO and HAVE better at home, and in their career or business!

www.the-ripple-effect.co.uk - a series of 10 self-help online workshops - of Psycho-Emotional-Education - to help you with a wide range of life difficulties (e.g. anxiety, stress, anger, depression, relationships, self-esteem and confidence, happiness, mindful living, self-awareness and development)

www.qpp.uk.com - changing the sub-conscious belief system and S.C.R.I.P.T. (c) Sub-Conscious-Rules-Influencing-Present-Time






Go to the profile of Maxine Harley

Maxine Harley

MIND HEALER & MENTOR - Psychotherapist (MSc), Author, Columnist & Blogger. Please see www.maxineharley.com and www.maxineharleymentoring.com, S.E.L.E.C.T. Your Life Company Ltd.

I help women to FEEL better - so they can BE, DO and HAVE better! As a MIND HEALER I specialise in helping women to recover from a troubled childhood and toxic parents, to heal and transcend their emotional wounds, re-parent their inner child, and make peace with their past. This enables and empowers them to become better parents, partners, professionals - and all round happier calmer people :-) As a MENTOR I offer different levels of therapeutic self development - including MINDING YOUR BUSINESS, MINDING THE GAP, and MIND MASTERY...please discover more at www.maxineharleymentoring.com

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