Share The Love
How often do you tell people why you love them? Why do you love them?
This week was my first experiment. I had to tell one person a day why I love them. I tell people I love them a lot so I thought this would be fine and not really a big deal. It was actually quite emotional and felt unsettling. I'm not sure why as like I said I am always throwing 'I love you' on the end of phone calls and texts and bombard my child with it at least several times a day!
I wanted to make sure everyone I told, I told in person. On the first day, my sister came down from Birmingham to visit Akhil and I in London Town for the day. Oh I adore my sister, Indya (Ind/Indy/Princess). We are seven years difference in age (I am the oldest- although I don't think I look it) and we are super close. She is my best friend, my second favourite person in the world (obviously Akhil being the first) and she holds a very strong piece of my heart. We giggle constantly, she brings me down from my peg and Akhil named her his hero. I love her because she is always there when I need her (and I needed her a lot this year), she is kind, a beautiful person, ditzy, supportive and she is my child's hero. You know someone is a good person when they're a 10 year old boy's hero! I became very teary when I told her why I love her but it was nice to tell her why she has value in my life. Although I've just asked since if she can remember why I love her and she can't.....
The second person I told was my best friend Iona. Iona and I have been friends since I was 16. We met working in a shoe shop together. Nearly 15 years have passed and big things have happened for both of us and we've both been part of each other's journey. Before I moved to London, Iona and I used to have almost weekly dinners together so my move has been a hard transition. I am terrible at answering the phone or making phone calls (one of many new years resolutions I promise) but our friendship is still as strong and I still love her as much as I did! Iona is one of the most if not the most giving person I know. Unbelievably so. On Sunday, we met for coffee and cake at John Lewis in Oxford Circus and I just blurted out why I loved her. I love her because she is kind, supportive, practical and because we have history together. Maintaining a lifelong friendship which is now long distant isn't hard but it still requires both parties to be present, to show value of the other person and to want to keep it going. I have no doubt that our friendship will continue until we're great Grannies as she is a pillar in my life. Oh seeing Iona's reaction when I told her why I loved her was just lovely! She blushed and giggled and I think it picked her up and I felt so nice reminding her (or informing her for the first time) why I love her and I hope it has reaffirmed that even though I am not as close as I used to be I am still very much here for her and I need her too.
The third person I told was my new BFF Alice! I work with Alice and we are just known as being stuck to each other. I am surprised my boss hasn't put a desk divider between us! We have known each other for about 5 months but we have a connection, a bond that comes along once in a blue moon. We giggle all day and we send each other silly selfies every day (even when we're sat next to each other - don't judge). Alice was having a particular bad day at work when I told her why I love her. I love her because she is so funny and makes me laugh all day (she draws me pictures), she is very honest (tells me when I am not helping myself), kind (always offers to babysit Akhil even though she lives an hour away) and thoughtful (she lets me eat the chocolate bourbons in her drawer). Her reaction was brilliant too - she giggled and also said why she loved me! We both blushed and hugged it out!
The fourth person I told was Akhil. Of course! Now about a week ago, Akhil said I told him I loved him too much. He said that he knew I loved him and I didn't need to tell him alllllllll the time (with the roll of the eyes and that "mum you're sooooo annoying" tone in his voice). Akhil and I are close and we're an affectionate family (just the two of us). And I admit (loud and proud) I tell Akhil I love him at least three times a day, every day. Overbearing mother I may be but at least my child knows that he is loved and valued. And it actually made me super happy that he raised his complaint. If that is what he is complaining about in his life, I'm thinking I'm giving him a decent life. I asked Akhil if he knew why I love him and he said because he came from me (he's witty have you noticed?). Akhil is the kindest person I know, he is incredibly loyal and always sees the best in people and tells me off when I don't. He is a peacemaker and a joker. He is laid back and easy going. We're very different people and our personalities differ in many ways but he brings sunshine into our home and into my life and in my journal of gratitude, I am always always thankful for him as my son and for his presence in my life. Obviously telling a 10 year old why I loved him was greeted with a "thanks" and went over his head. I'm pleased with this reaction because it showed me that this is not new information for him and he knows he holds this value in my life. I was left feeling splendidly happy!
All of the people above share all of the same qualities that I value - kindness, support, humour, grounding and many others which speaks volumes of the company I keep and I'm proud that these kinds of people are my tribe! This was an interesting experiment because although we say I love you regularly or consistently, we never say quite so clearly why. We rely on our actions to display our reasoning but sometimes they are not as clear as the recipient needs them to be or shows how grand the giver intends them to be. It's hard to tell people why you love them because it's not often we allow ourselves to be so openly honest and I'm not sure why there's a sense of vulnerability about it. But it felt good, and I made the people I love felt good which was so wonderful and powerful. I also realised that I need to hear it too because it gives me a boost and a lift too. I hope I'll continue this through into 2016 as I think this will deepen many of the relationships in my life.