The simple things in life can sometimes be hard.

I will tell one person per day what I love about them

Like Comment

How hard is it to tell the ones you love that you love them?

Where do I begin? Who do I share the love with? Who shall be my first? Can’t help but think it should be my wife Sarah. Why? Because she has been a constant in my life for twenty years, she has been everything to me. We have been through so many ups and downs and shared so many great experiences together and she still makes me feel special. If I experience a great moment in my life and she’s not with me a voice in my head says; “Sarah would have liked this.”

If I hear a funny joke Sarah is the first person I want to tell it to. If I’ve decided to go somewhere she is the first person I ask to share the experience with. Some days I can’t stop myself from telling her how much I love her and I tell her I love her almost on a daily basis. I throw away the line “I love you” constantly to her. To the point it’s just like saying “hello”. If I said it less would it mean more?

The more I thought about it the more sure I was, it had to be Sarah. My next question was where to tell her? Time is always against us in the busy life we lead and time management has never been one of my strong points. Eventually I fixed a time and a place, deciding upon the morning. It had to be because the weight of this was starting to feel heavy and I couldn’t wait to tell her. Why did it feel so heavy? Was it just because I was going to be talking from the heart or because this was just so different and new?

For some unknown reason I was starting to feel trepidation. Why? I only had to tell the woman I loved the things I love about her. Maybe I was worried that she could look inside my soul having lived with me for so long and see if what I was saying was real and heart felt or just another throwaway “I love you.”

Was there some fear about telling her about the things I love about her because I was scared about what effect it may have on our relationship? Would it change things? Where would this action take us? Why did I feel fear? She has seen me through tough times, seen me at my worst and seen me morph from one entity to another slightly modified entity as the years and experiences of life pass by.

Was I worried that the road that we have travelled on side by side, hand in hand for more than twenty years was in jeopardy or was it to become a longer and smoother road with greater vistas and with more things and experiences to share and go through? What was going on? This was supposed to be a pleasant experience and yet it was starting to feel intensely deep. Simple questions were starting to become complex as an argument in my head ensued over time and place and content. Would I structure what I was going to say or just let it flow out of me? If I did let it all flow would I forget something essential in my appreciation for her and the sharing of my love?

What would I say? Why did it seem so hard telling the woman I loved what I loved about her when I do it on a regular basis? My head was starting to feel battered. Maybe it was because this was no longer going to be a casual statement but a declaration – a declaration of love.

The intensity I had felt in the days leading up to this moment evaporated on the morning of the day in question. What I built up to be some kind of test was shattered by a good night’s sleep and realising it is a pleasure to tell someone the things you love about them and not a hard task, especially to someone like Sarah. I had brought pressure on myself when all I had to do was be myself. I decided to just let it flow out me. With a smile on my face I asked her to sit down and told her the things I loved about her. They flowed out of me and I felt I could stay there all day telling her how wonderful she made my life.

When I finished she thanked me and there was a beautiful moment when something passed between us. I gave her a big hug and sealed the moment with a kiss and one last thank you.

Afterwards I felt I had shared the love with her and I’d answered my own question of how hard is it to tell the ones you love you love them? The answer is; when it’s true and comes from the heart it’s easy. Just don’t overthink the moment, let it flow from you.

For the next half an hour I somehow had the tune ‘Rule Britannia’ playing in my head and I wouldn’t consider myself a Royalist. Maybe it was relief, maybe it was joy, I don’t know but it felt good that it was out there. And the truth is I do love her very deeply.

Mark Cuddy

Someone who learned to wake up