Last time I was here I was talking about discovering voices, and if you were able to wade through the treacle of my words, I hope you will have recognised by now that no matter how much older and experienced I become I'm always in the process of learning.
I’ve always been a fan of life-long-learning, but recently I’ve discovered that no matter how much I learn, there is always more and more, and MORE. After spending now nearly a decade, researching, creative writing, self-studying and parenting. I declare:
I am destined to feel like I am never in the know. All I can do is my best, keep trying and focus on the life events that suit me.
When I looked at the workbooks over in life labs for this month, I sighed. *Beep* Community spirit. Bah humbug. Then reassessed my point of view and accepted: I am already actively doing it, without being fully conscious of my actions and participation:
- I’m already talking with friends about my life-leap in Eating without the Animal.
- I have already spoken to quite a few strangers when participating in a few Dreamer’s and Counsellor courses, about my self-awareness appreciation and a vocational desire to help others.
- I joined a leisure centre to focus on my health and mentioned to Lewis and recently the reception desk that I’m looking for a place to hang out and discuss wellbeing and the Psychologies Magazine coaching worksheets.
- I am also hoping my local hairdressers enjoyed their free subscription of the magazine in 2018. I guess I will have to pop in for hair-cut to find out, but I haven’t stepped foot in a hair salon for myself for two years this December. It was all for a personal project and research reasons; truth about roots.
I’ve learned a lot about choices and choosing on a conscious level in recent years.
Thanks to my recent antics in registering with a Leisure Centre, I am more focused upon health and nutrition and this is cleaning up my inner-self and this week I can truly say, it’s working! Yay! I actually feel more radiant, younger even (one month later), this is not an overnight fix.
I am happy to be focused and have the patience, I’m on the right path for me.
A few years ago, a friend and I were talking about our frustration in ourselves at how difficult we found it to just get up and out of bed in the morning. Physically we were exhausted, we had wished for a pill that wasn’t for sleeping, the pill would need to help us wake up. We were getting up, but it was difficult, and we knew we weren't alone, the 5:30 starts were often a killer in the under 5s parental days.
Since my recent healthy eating instructions: I jumped out of bed this morning, and it was the first time I have been able to do that since I was under 10 years old. I have developed to recognise that the health and educational bodies often focus on depression or mental health as being a reason for sluggish behaviour and sometimes they are right, but in my case, I was not looking after my body which was affecting the mindset. I feel like a Freudian experiment. Experimenting with the self. I am very grateful to be able to offer good news.
With all this positive interaction, I ask myself why *Beep* when I hear the words community spirit?
Normally, I am very interactive, and social, I was once a Travel Rep. and well-travelled, and when well-travelled you must push yourself to talk to others, or the world can become quite lonely, and I would have probably lost my job back then if I didn’t speak to strangers. I truly learned to love people.
Professions change and since becoming the writer I have become quite cagey, I have found that the words I use often become repeated, and find myself battling with: Did I say that first? Or did I hear it from somewhere? I’m quite the structuralist and perfectionist for Data Protection, Copyright Law and upholding integrity. People, both myself and strangers I interact with, they need to feel safe and protected.
Sadly, on top of becoming the cagey writer, back in 2015 I joined a Creative Writing group that absolutely annihilated my self-belief and maybe even my rational. There just seemed to be too many people ‘moaning’. My positive psychology was been pushed to the limit.
Presently, and more often than not, I do say hello to strangers, I do still attempt a smile. But nowadays people say, “Why are you so happy?” “What do you know that I don’t?” and so on. . . I don’t even like writing this, so I will stop!
I attempted to rise and be resilient over all the moaning, I often feel like I’m from another planet. I understand that people have good reasons for their misery, moaning and down-beat attitude. I listen to the radio, I worked for the Social Services. I watch the news. I’ve even my own *Beep* to deal with. I must stay grounded and have a reality check-in, and it was back in November 2016 that I accepted, *Beep* goes on, and so does life, the world continues to turn, and I can’t fix everyone ‘alone’. Furthermore, I shouldn't have to.
Good news is I don’t have to do it all alone. Because there is this amazing magazine that ticks all the boxes of self-empowerment, spirituality, wellbeing and balance, which has quite a lot of female readers, but I think men may benefit from the words too, men need to understand women, as much as women need to understand men.
What’s the name of this magazine again?
I still have so much to learn, and am presently rekindling my self-belief, I see the embers burning. I just need to be patient. I don’t have a plan. I am happy to go with the flow. I trust that there are so many people in this world helping others, help themselves. I’m content in being part of a growing team.
Peace and Goodwill xx