Santa baby, slip a sex toy under the tree, for me...

Looking for some saucy inspiration for your Christmas wishlist? Read on!

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Betcha can't stop humming THAT for the rest of the day, huh? No need to thank me. So anyway, Christmas.

Given that I only just about tolerate the festive season as it is, the least I expect from the Jolly Fat Man is some decent giftage. Everyone knows that it's safer to specify EXACTLY what you want for Christmas rather than risk getting a pile of shiny tat that you never asked for and certainly don’t want. So in the spirit of togetherness I thought I'd collate a list of most excellent gift ideas either for yourself or your significant other. After all, Christmas is a time for coming together...

Motorhead vibrators

moorhead vibrators christmas lemmy
BOY do these things motor (I'll get me coat)...

These rock'n'roll beauties are quite possibly the best things I got my sticky hands on this year. Absolutely not a novelty item, they are heavy duty and powerful, delivering a solid dose of deliciousness all wrapped up in the infamous Motorhead branding. When I sent the bullet version to a reviewer, the only response to my 'so, does it do it for you?' enquiry was a garbled 'OH HELL, YES!'

Rianne S

A relative newcomer to the adult market, Rianne S products are all notable for their sleek designer looks and classy presentation. I have some of these products myself and have to say that it's some of the nicest packaging I've seen for a while.

See the full range on the Rianne S website

Laid D.2 stone dildo

Yup, you read that correctly - this gorgeous bit of kit is crafted from stone. Five hundred MILLION year old granite, to be precise. Who doesn't fancy a bit of history in their hoo-hah? I'm a sucker for a sex toy that looks good enough to put on display (when my kids leave home I am totally installing a glass-fronted cabinet for sexy goodness) and this is definitely on my wish list. And for the more adventurous Stone Age sex warriors Laid also produce a matching butt plug.


I'm taking a bit of a punt here, because the Crescendo is only just likely to be available in time for Christmas. However I really wanted to include them as I've kept in touch with Mysteryvibe (Crescendo's developers) over the summer and have been watching their progress with interest. The Crescendo's design and development has been of as much interest to tech heads as sex toy addicts, featuring in endless geeky articles (you can peruse the huge list of media interest in the product here), and has the honour of being the first crowd funded sex toy. It's way too clever to do it justice in a short article such as this, but you can read all about it on Mysteryvibe's refreshingly clean (and yes, a tiny bit geeky but that's why I love them) website.

The Pulse 'guybrator'

I reviewed the Pulse from Hot Octopuss earlier this year - you can read my musings here (opens in new window). I've included it again here for the simple reason that it is rare to find a sex toy that really does feel 'new'. The reviewer I sent my sample to absolutely loved it and felt that it really did 'what it says on the box'. So if you're looking for a quality, luxury novelty gift for the man in your life, you could do worse than pop a Pulse in his stocking!

System Jo gift set

I discovered System Jo personal lubes at Sexpo this year and couldn't leave them off my wishlist after discovering just how tasty they are. Not only that, but you can put them on your ice cream and in your drinks, HOW AWESOME IS THAT?? I thought it might be too good to be true, but no, apparently not:

The 'Taste of Jo' gift set includes samples of the flavoured lubes alongside arousal-increasing potions for both him and her (HORNY GOAT WEED FTW), massage oils and prolonging spray. There's even a tea light to get you in the candlelit mood.

Take note, add to your own wish lists, and hopefully we'll all have much bigger smiles on our faces this coming Christmas morning (even if we have to wait for the kids to go to bed before trying out our goodies).

Violet x

Twitter: @violetfenn

Violet Fenn

Writer, eroticist, purveyor of the portfolio career. Rants about growing old (dis)gracefully at, Twitter: @violetfenn

A fruity blend of sex advice and pro-ageing rants. I write chart-topping erotica as Indigo Moore - 'Satisfaction', my anthology of short stories, is available now on Amazon:


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almost 6 years ago
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