Can courage trump comfort?

We all sometimes hang out in the land of comfortable. But what do we do when it's just not comfortable but we're stuck?

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"I don't know what I want. One minute I want this and then I question if that's really what I want. I'm just confused and not sure anymore."

I hear this all the time from clients. I get it.

Sometimes we're just too in it to see it. We can't hear ourselves or discern what's fear or truth talking.

It can sound like ...

"I want to quit my job but I need a regular wage."

"I want to say something to them but I don't want to upset them."

"I want to increase my impact but I'm not ready yet."

"I want to talk to my boss but I'm scared it's going to be career limiting."

The temptation to mull over that thinking and look at it from every angle is fuelled by our need for certainty and control. We can't see that we're being defensive and avoiding taking action because we're unaware we're afraid.

In my experience there are two things that sets us free from this self imposed over thinking, stuck place.

1. Seeing and naming that we're scared.

When we name fear for what it is we can meet it squarely on the chin. We know it's going to be uncomfortable for a while but we can walk towards what we want despite the fear. We can set it up so that we've got the right support to help us keep the faith and stay on our true path. We can create a vision that burns brighter than the fear.

2. Identifying what values are bumping up against each other.

Our values are what are important to us. They're guideposts but to honour them we've got to be ruthlessly honest with ourselves. It's why coaches have to be fierce at naming where clients are bullshitting themselves.

When we're clear what values are in play we can make conscious choices around which ones are our trump cards.

Will a value of integrity trump perceived security? Will honesty trump perceived harmony? Will adventure trump perceived safety?

I never used to admit to myself I was afraid of doing things. I would hide under a mask of perfection and avoidance. I would hang out doing the safe things and not really putting myself out there. I still can.

But the bigger my desire grows to help more people, the more the cracks in my mask appear. I thought it was just me that wore this mask but having worked with many clients I know that we've all got a defensive mask we wear. Knowing how I can lie to myself when I'm afraid helps me take charge of it, stop the overthinking and make a commitment to what's really important.

Are you or someone you know stuck overthinking, trapped inside a comfort zone that's no longer comfortable? I'm running a 5 week simply do it group programme to help end the prevarication and get you claiming what you really want. It would be great to see you there.

Vanessa Anstee

Life Coach

I'm inspired by who you can be without apology and I want to help you let your real self shine. I've been a life coach for 10 years. I've always been a seeker trying to discover a way of being in life that feels soulful, authentic and aligned to what my heart wants not what my head thinks I should have, be or do. I spent 20+ year career in HR, OD, talent management and executive coaching. My kids were my biggest wake up. I saw the way I was working wasn't working anymore. I couldn't keep pushing myself harder. I had to accept I couldn't attain this perfected version of myself that I had strived most of my life to achieve. I had to find love not from accolades and other people's acceptance but from deep inside me. That's when I learnt to connect to my heart, heal my childhood wounds and fears of never being enough and set light to my passion in a completely new way. I want one thing for my clients. Be real. Be themselves, fall madly in love with that person and honour their soul's calling.