Jealousy, Comparison and Judgement

The Holy Trinity holding you back from true happiness

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This week I visited a spiritual healer.

Ok, I had a free reading at a wellness fair, but that still totally counts! If I’m being totally honest, I’m a bit of a skeptic when it comes to “readings” and fortune telling in general. Part of me wants to believe that these people see something, that they somehow know what your path will entail, but part of me can’t help thinking it’s all a load of BS designed to pray on the vulnerable. Nether-the-less, I chose to sit there for my 10 minute sampler and see what the lady had to say for herself. Along with some standard things I pretty much already know about myself, she touched on something that’s been on my mind lately and really got me thinking.

We’re raised in a society where achievement is praised and a culture where competition is king. We compete to be top of the class, to get into a good university, nab ourselves a decent job and eventually (if that’s your nature) transcend to the very top of your company. It’s dog eat dog at the very core, especially if you’re an “underachiever” and essentially written off by our system at age 4/5. We’re fostering a “win or lose” mindset from the moment we’ve left the womb and we wonder why the world is filled with injustice and suffering?

Jealousy, comparison and judgement have been areas I’ve personally had to work on for years. I’ve really had to teach myself to be a cheerleader for others when my natural instinct is to ask “why them and not me?” Of course I want to be happy for others, I want people to lead amazing lives and I never want anyone to suffer, but there’s also an inner conflict, a belief that other people’s gains are somehow my loss and a reflection that my life isn’t good enough. It’s the same for social media, I’m not surprised anxiety and depression are at an all time high, we’re constantly judging ourselves and others based on snapshots of ‘the perfect life’.

If I’ve learnt anything from self develop over the years, it’s about accepting your weakness’s and reframing them into strengths. Here’s a few techniques that work for me:

  1. Comparison - everyone wants to live their best life and rather than competing with others to be the best, try helping them be their best . It not only makes you feel good but can also deepen a friendship or connection.
  2. Jealousy - when you feel the prangs of jealousy bubble up, take stock and pin point where that jealousy is coming from? Maybe you need to make some changes in your life? Try to see your jealously as a helping hand to getting you where you want to be.
  3. Judgement - when you find yourself judging someone for something they’ve done, stop, take a deep breath and try to see the situation from their perspective. Were they just trying to be helpful? Did they mean well? Sometimes we are so blinded by a situation we forget to see the good in others (and sometimes ourselves!) holding onto resentment or judging people by their past actions only ever ends up hurting you.

Seeing the good in ourselves and other people can be hard when life feels unfair but compassion, kindness and connection are the route to lasting happiness, so remember that next time Judgy McJudgeson comes to town.

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Online Contributor, Psychologies Magazine Ambassador

A blog exploring who we are, and what we want out of life, one story at a time.