Self confidence: your best friend or your worst nightmare.
The beliefs we have about ourselves are said to shape the outcomes we see in our lives; the good, the bad and the damn right ugly. Meaning, if you believe you can win the lottery, you 100% will right? Well, not exactly. You see there's another cog in the machine that is our beautiful minds: The Subconscious. You might consciously do everything in your power to win the lottery: buy a ticket, pick out the car you will buy the minute your numbers are called, maybe even write your letter of resignation, but unless your subconscious is onboard with that particular life decision, you can FORGET IT! You see, the subconscious is the boss and if your boss is whispering the limiting self belief that you don't deserve to win the lottery in your ear, guess what? YOU AIN'T WINNING MATE!
Sometimes our limiting beliefs are obvious and we see the same patterns popping up in our lives time and time again (say, a toxic relationship for example?!) but sometimes they aren't and we have to dig deeper in order to learn about ourselves and how the little critters got there in the first place! It can take time and a lot of reflection but the beauty being once you find the root cause of your self sabotage you can actually do something about changing it, HURRAH!
This brings us to the topic of the day...
Over the last few years of self development, I've manage to identify a limiting self belief that lurks in the depths of my subconscious of 'not being good enough'. Perhaps it's from my performance background; a life of auditions, rejections and disappointments chipping away at my self esteem, or perhaps it's an encounter from my youth, I'm not too sure, but it's been my mission to weed it out ever since!
It began with this talk by Marisa Peer:
It's BRILLIANT, she's BRILLIANT, and what it gave me was a new empowered perspective, a way to tackle my inner critic once and for all.
Armed with the 'I am enough' Mantra I began to come at life differently. If I felt scared about something or felt inferior to someone I would stop for a second and quietly say to myself 'I am enough' as a shower of relaxation would wash over me, IT WAS WORKING! I WAS UNSTOPPABLE, or so I thought. You see, instead of building up my self esteem I was actually using 'I am enough' as a defence mechanism in situations where I felt 'attacked' in an attempt to gain power, maybe even to belittle the person (in my mind of course) who was knocking my confidence in that given moment.
The truth is real, unshakeable confidence is not about 'winning' or having one up on someone, real confidence is feeling like your ideas matter, like you matter and wanting to contribute because it feels good instead of wanting to make yourself look good. I realised that for me, affirming 'I am enough' was stirring feelings of lack, of less than, the exact opposite of what I was looking to achieve with the f'ing Mantra in the first place!
I would have to come at the problem in a different way, I wasn't ready to quit just yet, I'd worked too hard to admit defeat and curl up in a ball of low self esteem never to face the world again. If I wanted to feel the love and worth I so desperately craved I would have to learn to see myself with love and self worth, that's when the penny dropped! If you don't see yourself as equal, you will never be treated as equal. That doesn't mean I get to go around saying and doing what I feel like (I'm not an arsehole!) but what is does give me is the right to a seat at the table, the right to walk into a room with confidence, the right to feel 'good enough'. By seeing myself as equal to the person or sitatuion I'm fearful of the power struggle vanishes. I can't feel inferior if we are the same, there is no competition if we are equal, only collaboration. By choosing ' I am equal' instead of 'I am enough' I've opened my eyes to what's been holding me back for so long, to give myself permission to be me, warts and all.