Why would anyone hire a life coach?

Is it really necessary to have a life coach? Perhaps it's just indulgent. Or maybe not?

Go to the profile of Vanessa Anstee
May 09, 2014
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Picture this …

You set a goal for yourself - let's say you want to get fitter. You’re all excited for the possibility of what could happen when you’re fitter. Clothes will be looser, bikini will look great, energy will be boundless and you will feel awesome.

You start exercising but after a week of diligent effort, a crap day at work and an argument with your loved one, you’ve blown it! The chocolate and wine ease the pain and you remind yourself to begin again next week when life is less stressful.

Or this …

You want to quit your life-sucking job and discover what your heart beats for. You’ve lined up the self-help books on discovering your bliss and you’re starting to share with friends and loved ones your plans. Questions about what you will do, how you will pay the bills and maintain your lifestyle bubble up.

You get antsy and assure them that you can do what you love and make money. But that voice of doubt has awoken your own fears. You begin to look at your job and start to see that it really does give you a lifestyle, even though you know you hate it.

Or maybe even this …

You’re self-employed and the market is really tough. You want to stand out and attract success but you keep getting stuck and playing small. You just can’t figure out what you’ve got to do differently to open the money flow. You compare and contrast yourself against your competitors. You tweak your website and change your services but nothing seems to be working. You’re stuck.

What does a coach help you do?

In really simple terms, they help you understand what’s going on, see all the options and take responsibility to make the shift you want to.

It’s not about fixing you because there really isn’t anything that’s broken. I know you might think there is because it’s uncomfortable and painful to be stuck but there really isn’t.

It is about helping you see with fresh eyes, being clear about who you are, what you really want, becoming intentional and getting in motion. The only challenge we have is that we get in our own way. We self sabotage because we feel afraid or confused. We listen to others opinions and we forget our own resourcefulness.

Our blind spots mean that we don’t want to or can’t see what’s really going on and whilst we think those around us will help, they’ve often got the same things going on for themselves. This is where collusion and transference occur!

What stops us hiring a coach?

I used to think that to hire a coach meant I was admitting there was something wrong with me and that I couldn’t do it alone. I thought I was the only one who felt that way but my experience in the corporate world showed me that I’m definitely not.

Sometimes we’re terrified to ask for help because we’re making up a story that it means we’re inadequate in some way. Surely we’re meant to figure life out on our own? Isn’t this indulgent?

The bottom line

Change is challenging. Seeing our own light and brilliance can be tough, particularly when we’re wired for criticism.

We’re creatures of habit and to change them requires clarity, intention, can do spirit and accountability. Sure we can try and do it all alone but if we want to shift from the inside out, then having someone to walk with us, call us out and help us become our own best friend and authority is really helpful. Sometimes we need kicking and other times we need kissing over our edges.

One thing’s for sure though, it’s only when we leap that the magic really begins.

Go to the profile of Vanessa Anstee

Vanessa Anstee

Life Coach

I'm inspired by who you can be without apology and I want to help you let your real self shine. I've been a life coach for 10 years. I've always been a seeker trying to discover a way of being in life that feels soulful, authentic and aligned to what my heart wants not what my head thinks I should have, be or do. I spent 20+ year career in HR, OD, talent management and executive coaching. My kids were my biggest wake up. I saw the way I was working wasn't working anymore. I couldn't keep pushing myself harder. I had to accept I couldn't attain this perfected version of myself that I had strived most of my life to achieve. I had to find love not from accolades and other people's acceptance but from deep inside me. That's when I learnt to connect to my heart, heal my childhood wounds and fears of never being enough and set light to my passion in a completely new way. I want one thing for my clients. Be real. Be themselves, fall madly in love with that person and honour their soul's calling.

2 Comments

Go to the profile of Jon Beer
Jon Beer over 4 years ago

Great post Vanessa. I haven't ever hired a life coach but have considered it. My expectation is that the coaching would provide an impartial and objective perspective of my own options in life. As such it's about allowing you to take more control over your own path, and be less influenced by outside factors which may not necessarily be right for you as an individual. The term 'Life Coach' feels a bit grandiose, how would the title of 'Opportunity Coach' work in your opinion? It makes sense to me at least.

Go to the profile of Vanessa Anstee
Vanessa Anstee over 4 years ago

Hi Jon and thanks :-) I have struggled with the term Life Coach for ages and used to be much more comfortable hanging out under the label Executive Coach. What I now see is that if something runs you in one area of your life, it will show up in all areas of your life in different guises. Most of the time we spend reacting to stuff. So if I people please at work you can bet I'm doing it in other relationships too. It's about learning who you really are, when you tune out the conditioning, expectations, limits, fear etc. and being honest and committed to creating the outcomes you really want. For me it's about becoming a leader in your life, not waiting and as you rightly say creating the opportunities as I know you are :-)