When you’re trying to find direction, make a decision or just gain some clarity, but feeling judged is keeping you stuck.

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There’s a whole lot of judgement flying around these days, we judge ourselves for feeling certain feelings incase they’re perceived as week or selfish. We judge ourselves for making certain decisions incase they’re the wrong ones. We judge ourselves for just about everything and all it does is build up and up and up until we’re a big ball of stress and paralysed by the analysis of every thought, feeling and action we take.

How many times have you felt the need to justify yourself for thinking, saying or doing something, in order to protect yourself from being judged inaccurately by someone? I’ve done this a thousand times! 

I’ve always hated the idea of someone making an assumption about me based off of something inaccurate. But I can’t control that and it would be an exhausting full time job to try, even though it does seem to be one that a lot of us attempt, at least on a part time basis. 

Think of the amount of time we spend/waste on worrying about whether what we’re feeling is “right” (Personally, I don’t think that a feeling can be wrong. It can be there to tell us something or prompt us to see a new perspective but I don’t think it can be wrong), or if what we’re doing is what we should be doing, or how other people might react to what we say or do. What else could we be doing with all that time? Some pretty amazing stuff!…or just catching up on the latest Netflix boxset. Either way, we’d be much happier.

Another thing of note here is that we don’t actually have to tell everyone what’s going on with us or what we’re thinking or feeling. That’s not to say that we should keep everything to ourselves, but there are some people in our lives who might have other ideas and opinions about what we should be, do or have. 

In those dynamics we can feel pressure to explain and justify our position and end up feeling judged, not only by ourselves but by them too. The thing is, you’re allowed to noodle things around in your own way and in your own time. It’s actually more beneficial to explore and experiment in your own way, without attaching any big, intense expectations onto it, rather than after talking it out and explaining it to everyone and then having their opinions affect the way you view your potential or your journey. 

Your first decision doesn’t have to be your final decision and it doesn’t have to be something that brings you massive levels of success, money and recognition. The main focus of any new pursuit ought to be that it interests you, or makes you happy in some way. 

Take the damn pressure off yourself and take it off of your goals too! Push them forward with passion but also let them grow naturally and if you need to not share every detail with certain people to avoid them saying things like, “You should do it this way…” or “You should do this instead…” then know that it’s ok not to share it with them just yet. 

Alternatively, you could form a kind of stock response to say to them if they do come at you with their expectations and opinions. Make it something that makes them feel heard but also keeps you feeling happy and safe in your own bubble of non-judgement, peace and love.

Amy Shefik

Happiness Coach, The Fierce Flamingo

I help people navigate their way through the challenges and expectations of being a grown up in modern society, whilst building happiness, self-worth and having more fun.