Break free of the rules and conditions

Are you running yourself by conditions?

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Do you have an unwritten rule book for your life?

It's the place where you store all the conditions and rules that you have to follow in order to be ok, have what you want and live successfully.

In the last five years, I've become acquainted with my rule book and I've seen how I can unwittingly fall into the pattern of living by these conditions I've set for myself. In fact they cause my biggest delays because they have me procrastinate and perfect instead of boldly claim and leap.

It sounds ridiculous but seriously I wasn't aware how much I was doing this. And of course, I thought I was the only because we don't really talk about this stuff with each other!

Do you buy something and save it for best?

What's that really about? Where did that belief and condition come from?

Do you have to prove something will work before you take a leap?

What emotion underlies this?

Do you have to work really hard at everything before it can attract success?

Where did that work ethic come from? What happened to ease and flow?

If you eat something indulgent do you find yourself thinking about how you have to burn off those calories?

Does this thought take away from your enjoyment in the moment?

Do you have to show up in a job that doesn't light you up because you need to be responsible?

Who decided that you're not meant to love what you do and that if you do work you love, that it stops the money flow?

Do you know where your rule book comes from?

If the rules and conditions that you've set for yourself aren't yours, you probably want to consider them for a moment and reflect on where they come from.

It's likely a combination of what you heard growing up, things your teachers said to you and the wider culture of the time.

I was recently told that the greatest enemy of the truth is not lies but firmly held beliefs. These beliefs get passed down to us and unless we question their validity in our life, they become held as simple facts from which we develop rules and conditions.

If you want to break free and change something in your life, it's time to let go of the rules and conditions.

1. Be clear and create a simple intention for yourself. e.g. I want to do more of what I love.

2. Explore what conditions and rules come up for you. e.g. I have to work for a company, I need to retain my job security, I only have a certain amount of free time, I've got chores to do.

3. Take out a piece of paper and write down those rules and conditions and then next to them see if you clarify their origin. Did you invent them or where they given to you?

4. Go back to your intention and go through the list and cross off what doesn't serve your intention because it undermines or sabotages it. You'll probably find that most of them aren't actually helpful.

5. Don't create a new set of conditions that you think are more helpful. Instead decide to break free of the rules and conditions and accept that no set of beliefs, faith or intelligence is required for you to change what you want to. All you have to do is DO IT. Because in doing it you will gain knowledge.

Vanessa Anstee

Life Coach

I'm inspired by who you can be without apology and I want to help you let your real self shine. I've been a life coach for 10 years. I've always been a seeker trying to discover a way of being in life that feels soulful, authentic and aligned to what my heart wants not what my head thinks I should have, be or do. I spent 20+ year career in HR, OD, talent management and executive coaching. My kids were my biggest wake up. I saw the way I was working wasn't working anymore. I couldn't keep pushing myself harder. I had to accept I couldn't attain this perfected version of myself that I had strived most of my life to achieve. I had to find love not from accolades and other people's acceptance but from deep inside me. That's when I learnt to connect to my heart, heal my childhood wounds and fears of never being enough and set light to my passion in a completely new way. I want one thing for my clients. Be real. Be themselves, fall madly in love with that person and honour their soul's calling.